There Must Be A Pony In Here Somewhere

Published: Tuesday, 21 Jul 2009 | 11:00 AM ET

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So—hooray for green shoots, glimmers of hope and whatever other high-fructose optimism you want to sprinkle on your portfolio to help you get through the day.

Source: squashthestreet.blogspot.com / Last Legion Games I crush you with my giant thumb! Crushna, crushna, crushna ...

If you made money betting on the recovery, I’m happy for you. Really. Truly.

But my 401(k) isn’t going to recoup its losses anytime soon and a lot of my friends still don’t have jobs so let’s just say I’m not taking a drag on these green shoots some of you are smoking. I’m still bitter.

If you’ve got some lingering recession rage, too, you’re going to want this iPhone app.

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It’s a videogame you can download to your iPhone or iPod Touch called “Squash the $treet” from Last Legion Games. The idea is you try to squash as many “shady bankers, creepy fraudsters and corrupt CEOs” as you can — for cash. It’s like “Space Invaders” for bankers, thought the scale makes it more like a digital version of the “I crush your head” sketch they used to do on "Kids in the Hall." You take your giant finger and squash them as they run through the streets of the tiny New York in the palm of your hand.

(Go figure, Apple already has an "I crush your head" app, too!)

There are five ways to play, including “Squash Wall Street,” where you squash them as they flee their offices to try to make a getaway, and the “Bull Run,” where the bankers run through the streets en masse, like bulls through the streets of Pamplona!

The game has other clever winks to Street-savvy players: It always starts with the ringing of the bell, like the bell that heralds the start of trading on the New York Stock Exchange and they use Wall Street Journal font throughout. And you’ll get a kick out of the company names: Shadygroup, Guilded Hacks, Leave ‘Em Brothers and Ferral Wench.

Revenge: This time, it’s digital!

The bankers scream like little girls when they get squashed, something you’ll find gratifying or offensive, depending on your level of recession rage and proximity to the situation.

The more you squash, the more money you recoup. Fraudsters are worth $100, Associates $20, CEOs $30 and Interns $10. You can get bonus cash if one of them drops a suitcase of money when you squash him.

When your time’s up, a scoreboard designed to look like a newspaper spins toward the “camera” — i.e., you — y'know, the ‘ol spinning newspaper trick they use in the movies to convey the importance of the news.

Of course, there are perils: If you’re not careful, you just might go bankrupt — and your bubble will burst!

You can download the app for 99 cents at squashthestreet.blogspot.com or just be friends with it on Facebook and follow it on Twitter.

You know, if you prefer that someone else handle your dirty work.

Me? I like to take care of business myself. I make trouble disappear. You know, badda-beep, badda-boop.

I"m sorry. This is business, not personal.

*Squish!*

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