I'm torn between two news items, trying to decide which is more telling that we are entering the end of days.
Soon, cockroaches will rule the Earth while we retreat to our pods and play videogames, wear ever-more bizarre clothing, gain 600 pounds, and use The Comfort Wipe.
Snuggie for Dogs
In one corner, we have the latest product line from Snuggie, the inexplicably successful blanket burrito.
The company says it sold five million Snuggies last winter, and, like every other company in America, they've discovered the next new market: dogs.
(Seemy previous blog on Body Glove for more proof that every executive in Corporate America is engaging in a "No Dog Left Behind" campaign—what's next, Doggy McNuggets? A PETA Prius?)
There's now a Snuggie for Dogs selling online for $23, which includes postage and handling and a 'talking dog tag".
Sometime this month, however, you can start buying them for only $10 at retailers like Wal-Mart , Petco, CVS, Walgreens, Kohls, PetSmart , and Bed Bath & Beyond .
Here's the videoto show you why a Snuggie is better than a pet sweater.
Just think of it! Snoodles! Snabradors! Snoxers! Snauzers!
"With an estimated 74 million family dogs in the United States, it only made sense to keep those almost 300 million chilly paws warm this season," says Anne Flynn, Director of Marketing for Allstar Products Group, which makes the Snuggie.
Let me just point out that Mother Nature already gave dogs a warming mechanism. It's called a fur coat. But that won't stop America's dog lovers from piling on! Even if Snuggie only captures ten percent of the pet market, that's enough money to keep them out of the dog house for a long time.
In the other corner, a news item some consider a little too snug.
In the business of athletic wear, mens workout shorts have tended to get longer and longer in recent years.
But not in the Canadian town of Kamloops (ok, let's just take a look at the name of the town for a second...).
The Province reportsthat a yoga instructor there has been told his shorts are too short.
Mohd Abdullah is a local computer science teacher who moonlights teaching pilates and yoga at the Tournament Capital Centre, and apparently gym management has been getting too many complaints about Abdullah's shorts—they're even shorter than Lt. Jim Dangle's from "Reno 911".
Imagine being in Abdullah's class as he's demonstrating a Camel Pose.
However, Abdullah counters that he's being discriminated against. "I think it is a double standard," he tells The Province.
"Here you have women that are wearing shorts that are half my size and with, excuse my lingo, the boobs half falling (out)—and that's acceptable."
I doubt management gets too many complaints about that.
By the way, Abdullah bought one pair of his short shorts from Wal-Mart in 1997 for $5.
The same Wal-Mart where you can now buy the Snuggie for Dogs.
All snugness leads to Wal-Mart.
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