Funny Business
- Revenge of the Gangsta Nerds
- It's Beginning To Look A Lot More Riskless
- Topless Business Is Taking Off
- Gambling Drunk, Texting to Live And America's On Sale - Your Emails
- The Lloyd's Prayer, Leggo My Eggo, Plate Hate & Your Emails
- Help Wanted—Please Run $4 Billion University
- Madoff—The Holiday Drink
- Drugs, Booze and Vegas
- Happy World Toilet Day
- Coffee, Tea or My Ad?
MOST SHARED
- The Executive Job Search
- S&P Stocks Trading at New 52-Week Highs
- Where Do Pardoned Turkeys Go?
- Judge Erases Couple's $525,000 Mortgage Payment
- Activision Prepares to Double Dip on ‘Modern Warfare 2’
- Salvation Army's Kettles Now Credit Card-Ready
- US Mint to Suspend American Eagle Gold 1-Ounce Coins
- Trader Talk
- Oil Friday
- 4 Thanksgiving Week Buys For Your Portfolio: Market Pros
- There's a 'Great Chance' For a Double-Dip Recession: Strategist
- Revenge of the Gangsta Nerds
- Will TCU See The "Flutie Effect?"
- Retail Earnings and Sales to Improve in Q4: Analyst
- Consumers Catching the Holiday Spirit
- It's Beginning To Look A Lot More Riskless
- Crescenzi: Claims Level Suggests End to Job Losses
- Hedge Funds Take Early Lead in Warren Buffett's 'Big Bet'
- Bankruptcies Jump, Hitting Highest Level in Four Years
- AIG, Ex-CEO Greenberg Reach Pact to Settle Disputes
- Bank of America CEO Search May Extend Into 2010
- Steepest Black Friday Discounts, Revealed
- 'Cancer of Fraud' Permeates Health Care System: Critics
- US Mint to Suspend American Eagle Gold 1-Ounce Coins
- Judge Erases Couple's $525,000 Mortgage Payment
- Where Do Pardoned Turkeys Go?
- For Many in US, It Will Be a Scaled-Down Holiday Season
RSS FEED
Text Size 
Correspondent
 |
Winkers Hipnotic Jeans |
The jeans, created by retired Seattle designer William Jones, "wink" at you if you're walking behind someone wearing them.
See what I mean here.
This YouTube video demonstrating how the jeans "wink" has gotten over 600,000 views this summer. You have to admit, it's mesmerizing. Or it might be if they'd picked an actual model to wear the jeans instead of, well, a normal-looking person.
My idea: put these jeans on US Troops in Afghanistan. Dumb-founded bad guys will be momentarily distracted, long enough time to take them down. Or take a bunch of South Korean hotties and line them up with their backsides facing the DMZ, then watch what happens when they walk away. Chaos! Open borders!
Yes, I know I'm trivializing serious situations and suggesting a solution which won't work, but that's the nice thing about living in a free, secure country. I can do that. Thanks to those who keep me free and secure and able to wear Winkers jeans without the threat of jail. (See Sudan: Pants).
However, even if we wanted to use these jeans as our latest weapon of mass distraction, they're not quite ready to ship. They're also way too expensive, even by military standards. On Jones' website, the cheapest pair costs $159, but the most expensive, the "Hipnotic", based on the eyes of a lion, is currently listed for $579! Roarrrr!!!
SINCE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT DOWN THERE...
Two more controversial items.
There's renewed interest in the Men's Underwear Index, the MUI, as an indicator of consumer spending.
Researchers say men stop buying underwear in tough times, because it's the one necessity which no one really sees, unless you're in a car accident! Men tend to...stretch...out the time between purchases. "It's like trying to drive your car an extra 10,000 miles," NPD Group's Marshal Cohen told the Washington Post.
Nice image.
The article profiles 59-year-old Kenneth Sanford, who willingly discussed his underwear purchases with a major newspaper. Sanford says hasn't bought any boxers or briefs in eight months.
However, there is good news.
The decline in underwear sales is starting to slow, if only...briefly. And in the new world order, slowing bad news is good news.
Finally, several readers have insisted that I bring to your attention the latest pet product. It's "magical". See for yourself....but not while you're eating your lunch.
Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email
Data is a real-time snapshot *Data is delayed at least 15 minutes