Why let the government separate you from your end-of-the-week paycheck? You can do that just fine on your own.
Here are a few ideas.
First, buy yourself the most expensive iPhone ever made — only $8 million.
It's got 500 diamonds and is surrounded by rose gold (wonder if that helps or hurts the dropped calls dilemma).
Best of all, it comes with it's own granite case, which weighs 15 pounds, because you're not conspicuous enough already.
Second, haven't gotten your Halloween costume yet?