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It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad-Off World

Charlie Sheen
Source: NBC
Charlie Sheen

Whoa.

"I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars," said Charlie Sheen this week on "The Today Show".

We're tired, too, Charlie.

We're being bombarded with a global epidemic of nutjobs, which reminded me of Harlan Pepper in "Best in Show". "I used to be able to name every nut that there was," he said. And then he proceeds to do just that.

My turn to name a few.

"Life without dignity is worthless." That was uttered by Moammar Gaddafi last week as part of what I'm calling his "opposite-speak" campaign (see Orwell, George).

"I love Hitler." This little gem came from the mouth of top designer John Galliano, in a video released shortly after he was arrestedfor allegedly uttering anti-Semitic slurs during a bistro brawl.

I seem to remember Sasha Baron Cohen spoofing similar thoughts as "Bruno".But Cohen was joking. Galliano may try to explain away his comments as the result of too much alcohol, but Israeli-born Natalie Portman is having none of it. She's the face of the latest Dior campaign, and she has now strongly condemned the fashion house's former top gun.

"Did I make a lot of money for people? Yeah, I made a lot of money for people." Ladies and gentlemen, that came from the one and only Bernie Madoff! On the record! Behind bars! Assuring investors it's gonna be all right!

Maybe there aren't more nuts in the world, just more exposure. Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube bring you the craziest of crazies in real time. The problem, however, is that all of this nuttiness is costing a lot of money.

Sheen's firing puts at risk the estimated $260 million CBS and Warner Brothers bring in for "Two and a Half Men."Galliano was seen as the driving force behind Dior's billion dollar profit machine. Gaddafi's wackiness threatens Libya's estimated $96b GDP. And, well, you know what happened to people who invested with Bernie Madoff.

So while nuts are usually good for you, these nuts cost too much.

Finally, the UK Guardian has a quiz called "Who's Line is it Anyway?",which asks you to choose whether Sheen or Gaddafi made a particular statement.

I got six out of 10 right.

For example, "I have defeated this earthworm with my words—imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists."

Like an idiot, I thought Gaddafi said that.

Wrong.

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com

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  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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