Tips for the Apocalypse

Whether or not the world ends in 2012, one thing is clear: Few of us are prepared for even the slightest apocalypt-y scenario.

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Well, thank your lucky series of tubes, there’s a lot of advice out there. If you search online for “apocalypse” and “tips,” it turns up more than 5 million results.

There are priceless doom-lifting nuggets like “Get a dog” (Kurt Vonnegut) and “Brace yourself: The idiots are coming.”

One of my favorites is a Mother Nature Network slideshow called “Top 10 ways to prepare for the total breakdown of society without looking like a (complete) lunatic.” The tips there include “Get solar panels” (it will help keep you powered to fight off the zombies and nuclear mutants) and “Get handy” (There won’t be a need for bloggers at the end, so brush up on your carpentry and farming skills.)

Another good tip on that top 10 list — Get to know your neighbors. In a crisis, food and supplies get tight and it’s animal instinct to take care of your family and friends first. Make sure you’re on the right side of that equation!

If you’re looking to put together an “Apocalypse Go Kit,” this list from Wired is a good place to start. It includes some obvious stuff, like a first-aid kit and water supply, but also some stuff you might not have thought of, like zip ties (good for making tourniquets) and a mylar space blanket (for keeping warm and keeping the sun from killing you).

I would add to that list a few items from ThinkGeek: The Nerf Vulcan Automatic Heavy Blaster (three words: screaming mini darts) as well as The Zombie Survival Guide and Astronaut Ice Cream.

Now that you’ve got your Apocalypse Go Kit, do you know where you and your new dog are going to go when the disaster sequence has been activated?

Mother Nature Network strikes again! Check out this list of "Best U.S. Places to Survive the Apocalypse,” including the Greenbrier luxury resort in Sulphur Springs, W. Va., that has a “massive underground bunker," a former missile silo (operative word being former) or the Capitol Visitor Center in Washington, D.C.

I know, that last one surprised me, too. You’d think D.C. was the last place you’d want to be (Sorry, Mr. President) but apparently, the entire 580,000-square-foot visitor center is underground. They said it was so it wouldn't ruin the aesthetics of the Capitol, but I think you me, and that guy we met on Chatroulette know that it was actually designed as a shelter for lawmakers in the event of an Armageddish incident.

Here’s some light reading for the end — Survivalblog.com — and when you have a few minutes, why don’t you knock a few off that Bucket List?

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the cafeteria with a giant tray of bacon.


Questions? Comments? Email ponyblog@cnbc.com or drop a line in the comment box below.

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  • Cindy Perman is a writer at CNBC.com, covering jobs, real estate, retirement and personal finance.

  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.