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Death, Taxes, Sex and Root Canal

Today I hit the big 5-0. That noise you hear is me shuddering. I'm trying to make light of it all to mask the pain — "If I'd known Depends were so convenient and useful, I would've started wearing them at 40!"

I don't feel 50. Gosh, I feel like a kid! I'm planning on logging another 50 years of existential flight time before hitting the eject button. But even if I don't last that long, even if I go tomorrow, I've already made estate plans. I have a legal will.

Where there's a will, there's a way to control what happens to your assets once you've gone where you can't take them with you.

Steve Owens | Taxi | Getty Images

However, Rocket Lawyer, an online legal service, says most of us don't have a plan.

Even old people like me.

The firm says that according to a survey of 1,001 adults by Harris Interactive, 57 percent do not have wills. It probably won't surprise you that nine out of ten people under the age of 35 don't have one, but the same goes for 44 percent of boomers ages 45-64.

And here's a shocker: one in five people over the age of 65 don't have a will.

Hello?? Grim Reaper on line one!

Of course, it's Rocket Lawyer's business model to convince you to get a legal will, but it doesn't take a Rocket Scientist to figure out you need one. And yet...and yet...we hate preparing for death. More men (61 percent) don't have a will versus women (53 percent). On the other hand, Republicans are more likely to have wills than Democrats (duh, they usually have more money).

But here's the nugget which caught my eye. We hate preparing for the end so much, the survey claims that one in three of us would rather do our taxes, get a root canal, or give up sex for a month rather than create or update a will.

Really? Root canal? Abstinence? Gathering various 1099 forms? You've just described death.

If you don't have a will now, you'd better get cracking, because a month without sex may just kill you.

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com

  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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