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The Rap on Whole Foods

Wednesday, 15 Jun 2011 | 11:44 AM ET
Chris Whitehead | Getty Images

Today the government told us what we already know: prices are going up.

Core inflation rose at its fastest clip in three years.

Core inflation does not include food and energy—the two things we need the most.

Food prices at the grocery store are starting to provide sticker shock.

A co-worker bought a bag of cherries this week...for $13.

And yet prices seem irrelevant at Whole Foods. I can't ever find a parking spot there. In sprout-loving Los Angeles, drivers release clouds of carbon circling and waiting for a place to park so they can go inside and pay top dollar for food that somehow saves the planet.

But the best part of Whole Foods is the people watching. It runs the gamut from well-heeled and well-tanned beauties to those for whom burlap is a fashion statement. Plus me. Some shoppers wander (and block) the aisles in confusion, as if they've never been to a grocery store ("What is this? They sell bread here??"). Or perhaps they're trying to figure out how to pronounce "quinoa."

Much of this experience is captured in a hilarious "rap" video shot at a Whole Foods on LA's west side. Watch the battle between Priuses for coveted parking spots and the struggle to avoid "those fools with the clipboards".

My favorite lyrics include:

"Some girl in yoga pants is lookin at me funny/I’m just tryin' to find a decent pinot noir for under twenty!

Then I take it to the cheese counter—'Humboldt Fog?'/'We just ran out, sir.” 'Really dog?'”

The rap was put together by a production crew called Fog and Smog, whose very name mocks the west side. I can't tell you how many times a visitor has asked, "Is this smog?" "Uh, no no no! It's, um, fog."

Really, dog?

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com

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  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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