Hog Wild: The Great Bacon Crime Spree of 2011
A few months ago, the Pony Blog raised concern about “the crisis we should be panicking about” — surging bacon prices.
You may have laughed it off as a silly humor blog being dramatic about bacon.
Well, now it’s come to this: Thieves are stealing hogs — sometimes dozens, sometimes hundreds — from farms in the Midwest. That was reported by the New York Times, prompting the Fark headline: “Bacon thieves on the rise in down economy.”
For the record, it’s not easy to steal one hog, never mind a hundred: They usually weigh close to 300 pounds — more than the average man.
It’s also not easy to catch hog thieves for several reasons: 1) the buildings tend to be far away from the main house due to the, ahem, stench, 2) “They all look alike,” as one sheriff told the NYT and 3) They’re probably “bacon and pork chops already” as one farmer so aptly put it.
Of course! The ol’ bring home the evidence, fry it up in a pan, routine.
“This is the hot commodity of the moment, like copper a few years ago and gold,” said the farmer, who recently had 150 of his hogs stolen.
In a related story, a suspect in a string of burglaries in a suburb of St. Louis, Mo., was captured after the homeowner caught him in her kitchen— wait for it — frying bacon.
"These recent hog thefts and bacon-cooking burglars are a sign of the rough times — and when life get tough, we turn to the things that bring us the most comfort, which naturally leads to bacon," said Heather Lauer, author of the book “Bacon: A Love Story”and the Bacon Unwrappedblog. "I’ve never thought about needing a lock on my freezer, but apparently my serious love of bacon makes me a potential target!" Bauer said.
"I know the economy is not the best right now but please don't steal my bacon. Back in the day when people got caught stealing livestock I think they got shot. Maybe we should revert to those times to put this hog thieving to an end. Maybe that sounds a bit harsh but never get between a man and his bacon," Mosley said.
I don’t know, this whole think stinks if you ask me.
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