Pity my friends and family. It's hard for me to give normal gifts. I live for the quizzical look followed by laughter (I hope) when a gift from me is unwrapped.
One of my classics is giving adult diapers to friends who turn 40. Gets a laugh every time. From me.
If you don't understand this, stop reading.
However, if you are like me and revel in the odd present, here's a list of last minute gift ideas.
Awkward Family Photos
You've seen the pictures online. The weird hair, the pained looks, the bad memories. Now they're all collected in one book with hilarious captions. This has become my new coffee table book. Open it and you get instant laughter.
Anti-theft Lunch Bags
For the loved one who brown bags it and complains his or her lunch is always being pilfered. These bags ingeniously make it look like your sandwich is covered in mold. Store your favorite food in this ... and it'll never be touched again.
Ride the zombie craze AND be comfortable. The undead may be cold, but they'll keep your feet warm. Just don't look down.
So you've already done the Snuggie thing. But what about your weapon? Here's a gift for those who don't believe in the right to bare arms.
For the Kids
I guarantee this present will make you the most popular aunt or uncle: The Doggie Doo Game. Poo-related gag gifts go back to the dawn of Man, but this one brings an air of legitimacy to that ancient endeavor. My son is 19, not 9, but I may still buy this ostensibly for him, just so I can have it.
For the Dog
The Michael Vick Chew Toy. 'Nuff said.
Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email firstname.lastname@example.org