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Mantyhose: Time to Hand in Your Man Card?

Friday, 20 Apr 2012 | 5:13 PM ET
Mantyhose
Source: E-mancipate.net
Mantyhose

First there was the metrosexual.

Then men started shaving their legs even if they weren't Lance Armstrong. Then came the man-purse — I mean, satchel. Then Tom Brady started wearing UGGs.

Now there's Mantyhose.

Mantyhose is pantyhose for men. Some men have manned up enough to wear a pair. "Surprise or not — many men do wear pantyhose," says e-MANcipate.net’s Chan Kraemer. "Why? Because they like it."

Really? I don't even like wearing pantyhose, why would men want to put on “guylons”? On the other hand, Joe Namath didn't seem to have a problem back in the day, and no one’s ever demanded to see his man card.

Mantyhose come in a variety of designs, including green camouflage and basic colonial white. The website provides instructions on how to best to wear them in public with a straight face. "It is indeed a fashion statement — so it's a good idea to have someone with you, probably also wearing pantyhose.” I agree. Don’t step outside alone dressed this way…for your own safety.

I wonder why hosiery companies haven't already figured out how to do this successfully. Sales to men could double their market. It’s just a matter of branding. Would wearing Mantyhose really require a guy to turn in his man card?

"ABSOLUTELY!!!!!" screams @CRhodes768 with five exclamation points when I asked the question on Twitter.

"Ugh. I should hand in my man card just for looking at that link," tweets @D_Alpher.

Mantyhose
Source: E-mancipate.net
Mantyhose

"If you wear those, you probably had to give up your 'man card' a long time ago," says @joemattjoey. If not, a man should do so immediately, "Followed by a public denouncing in which he must wear an actual dress," adds @Cjanota.

Some, however, strive to be more open-minded: "They'd only be good as protection from ticks," is the practical sarcasm from @NRTH@AK.

"I'll only wear them if I can also wear a tricorn hat," says @matt_rupert.

However, @Sand2Stone thinks there might be a way to successfully market Manythose: "Call it Hunkz, say special fabric stimulates natural male, um, growth, get Clay Matthews to endorse then we'll see." Now we’re talking!

What’s left? Can men get any more emasculated? Yes, according to @j2lovesfriday, who sent me a link to man girdles.

Sigh. This is not what Clint Eastwood would do.

However, even if you don’t want to buy Mantyhose for their fashion sense, buy them because they’re healthy! That’s the final pitch by e-MANcipate.net.

"Men who wear pantyhose do it to improve athletic performance, energize and revitalize tired, aching leg muscles, and to stimulate circulation if they sit all day," says Chan Kraemer. Again — that has Clay Matthews written all over it.

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com

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  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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