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Dimon, Kerkorian and Blaming Facebook

Wednesday, 13 Jun 2012 | 1:53 PM ET
Jamie Dimon
CNBC
Jamie Dimon

My head's spinning. Can't focus on one topic. Too much craziness. Here are three examples.

First, let’s start blaming Facebookfor everything bad that happens. Everyone else does.

Greece going to fail? Blame Facebook. Lebron James choking? FB's fault. "I'm almost positive Facebook is responsible for the blossom end rot on some of my tomatoes," tweeted @TommyJShort. "People are saying Prometheus was terrible ... Facebook's fault,” says @ThatGuyEdub.

Let's even try to blame Facebook for JP Morgan's $2 billion trading loss. You have to figure some London Whale was hedging ... to reduce risk ... with trades to offset ... whatever the heck JP Morgan did ... all in anticipation of a Facebook IPO pop. Right?

Which brings me to example number two. To CEO Jamie Dimon's credit, he did NOT blame Facebook for the loss while testifying before the Senate. He blamed himself, while really blaming his staff. In fact, he admitted the government should be able to rain down "Old Testament punishment" on big banks if they do stupid things.

Funny he should mention the Old Testament. The other night—I kid you not—I came across Isaiah 15:9, which reads, "For the waters of Dimon shall be full of blood: for I will bring more upon Dimon, lions upon him that escapeth of Moab, and upon the remnant of the land."

Whoa. That is some serious Old Testament punishment. Time to short JPM, go long lions that escapeth of Moab.

And speaking of lions ... here’s the third and craziest thing which has my head spinning today.

The man who has quietly stood for years behind Leo the Lion at MGM , Kirk Kerkorian, is notoriously private, shunning the spotlight.

His fiancée apparently hopes to change that. Kerkorian is engaged to Joan Dangerfield, Rodney Dangerfield's widow (only in LA, people). She surprised him on his 95th birthday with a flash mob.

Not only was the legendary mogul "surprised" at the Beverly Hills Hotel by a seemingly impromptu dance troupe, the entire thing, including his puzzled reaction, was videotaped and put on YouTube. It's a fascinating, odd thing to watch. My takeaway: Kerkorian looks amazing for 95! I wish him and his bride-to-be many years of wedded bliss.

If it doesn't work out for them, blame Facebook.

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com

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  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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