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$315 Nikes? That's a Really Big Shoe

Remember when you'd spend the summer not wearing any shoes at all? How Neanderthal of you.

The LeBron X from Nike.
Source: lebronjames.com
The LeBron X from Nike.

Shoes are the new cars. Men now aspire to do what women have aspired to for a long time —spend a month’s grocery bill to cover up their feet.

The latest proof is the Lebron X shoes expected from , which carry a pricetag of $315. (Related: Limitless Luxury: Why Do These Goods Cost So Much?)

According to the Nice Kicks YouTube channel — a series of videos dedicated to the most dedicated athletic shoe lovers — we learn the new Lebron shoes are so expensive because they have "dynamic fly wire," "hyper-fused upper," "the first visible Nike Zoom Unit," and other state-of-the-art technological developments that NASA didn't even put on the Mars Curiosity Rover!

These shoes are like the basketball equivalent of $32,000 golf clubs made by Japanese manufacturer HONMA. They're for people who either have way too much money, or who really believe they could go pro if they only had the right equipment.

The National Urban League is asking Nike not to sell the shoes and asking parents not to buy them. "It represents twisted priorities and confused values." (Related: 10 Best Cities for Shopping.)

Welcome to America.

So if you don't spend $315 on some new Nikes, what else could you spend that money on?

You could buy more than three shares of Nike itself, though, unlike the shoes, the stock isn’t jumping through hoops this year. (Related: Nike Stock Skids Over 10% After Earnings.)

You could buy an iPad2 from Apple , but you could only buy a half share of Apple stock. Or buy 315 apples!

You could buy 68 shares of Groupon , or wait for a Groupon special on the Lebron X Nikes. I'm not sure which involves more wishful thinking.

I put the question of how to spend $315 to folks on Twitter. Many responded comparing Nike to Facebook .

"16 shares of Facebook. Both the shoes and the FB stock will depreciate at the same rate," tweeted @HandicapperBill. Piling on, @RichWalls also mentioned $315 will buy 16 shares of Facebook, adding, "20 if you wait til next week!"

"5 - 6 orders of prescription sedatives for those who bought Facebook shares on IPO day." (@j2lovesfriday)

You get the picture.

Others on Twitter folded in the important news topics of the day, like corn, health care, finding good values, cheap food, comfortable shoes, and bondage.

So...what would they buy with $315?

"37 bushels of corn if you hurry." (@warrenrogers)

"$315 will buy 13.7 days worth of my health insurance. Medicine is extra." (@Chrisnnc)

"For $315.00 dollars, IKEA could furnish your entire home!" (@JohnDavidSilver) True. I found a bed, coffee table, chair, lamp, and rug for $313.

"315 Double cheeseburgers at Mcdonalds." (@ESCapAdv)

"$315 can buy me 318 packets of Rahmen's noodles, which, for a single guy, is a year’s supply worth of dinner." (@CraigScott31)

"Buy 10 pairs of those grass-lined flip-flops." (@DonCarrMAC) (Related: Grass-Lined Flip-Flops Bring the Outdoors to Your Feet.)

"A kindle, yr sub. to AMZN prime, 3 vol. set of FittyShades, & 1 grade A gen-u-wine riding crop......" (@MACD_Surfer)

A lot of people said they would take the money and give it to charity. Here was my favorite tweet in this regard:

"School supplies for entire school year for 3-5 kids, but the sneakers have a better shot at helping u get a BBall scholarship..." (@lowensteiner)

By the way, most of the replies came from men, who seem to think $315 is a lot to pay for shoes.

Guys, women have been submitting to this sort of outrage for years. Yes, three Benjamins will by you a pair of Nikes, but they'll only buy you a single pump of Jimmy Choo's. That's the real fashion crime.

—By CNBC's Jane Wells
@janewells

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com

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  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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