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Forget Bacon, What Else Do We Need to Stockpile?

We are facing the Zombie Apocalypse. It's already started with bees.

Soon, bacon won't be the only thing we'll need to hoard because of shortages. (Read More: Time to Panic? Predications of a Coming Bacon Shortage!)

Up next: beer. German beer. According to the Daily Beast, "Water shortages might be the end of two of the world's most beloved alcoholic beverages. Germany's premier beer-making region is having a hard time growing hops and barley without some aquatic help."

The article also claims we're facing the potential death of chocolate, pasta, peanut butter, and coffee due to climate change.

Without coffee, I really will be the Walking Dead.

Turns out pasta is not the only wheat-based product you should stockpile. Jack Bauer is desperately searching for flour ... to make cupcakes. (Read More: Jack Bauer Goes Emeril on Cupcakes.)

Meantime, three years after John Slattery pitched Prescott Financial on "The Colbert Report", his three buys still hold value: gold, women, sheep. "Will you be ready?"

Well, will you?

Here are some other suggestions.

Stockpile competent NFL refs, since we will soon hate the new ones as much as we hated their replacements.

With Thursday's announcement that Tempur-Pedic is buying Sealy , mattress prices could go up. Time to hoard alternatives, like the Ostrich Pillow, which has now raised over $87,000 on Kickstarter to come to market. (Read More: Tempur-Pedic International to Acquire Rival Sealy.)

Finally, a few excellent suggestions from Twitter.

"I'll be stockpiling hip waders to get through the upcoming debate commentaries," tweets @paulkeleher.

And here’s an excellent list from @MACD_Surfer: Maps, actual paper maps, if you own Apple products, also some Honey Boo-Boo DVDs, "Fifty Shades of Grey" for her, Viagra for him, and "Call Me Maybe" karoake tracks for the bomb shelter. "I hear zombies flee from the sound of 'Call Me Maybe.'"

—By CNBC's Jane Wells
@janewells

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com

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  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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