Funny Business with Jane Wells

Greed, Bootie Beer, the Big D, Doggie Depression and -- urgh -- Brad Pitt


Greed is Good, and Gekko is Back

Fox tells us it's developing a sequel to "Wall Street," and published reports say Michael Douglas will reprise his role as the villainous Gordon Gekko. The first movie didn't do that well at the box office back in 1987 ($48 million worldwide), but the REAL Wall Street loved it. Traders still quote dialogue: "If you need a friend, get a dog."

Does anyone find the timing interesting? Someone pointed out to me that Fox is announcing this sequel about Wall Street at the same time its parent company is trying to buy the Wall Street Journal and launch a business news network.

Bootie Re-Called


A company called Bootie Beer, which sells a product called Bootie Beer (and Bootie Light -- what, comes in a smaller cup?), is changing its name to TMT Capital Corp., presumably after CEO and President Tania M. Toruella. The company says it's looking at "financing options to launch Bootie Beer brands nationally." Perhaps it's easier to convince people to invest when you're named TMT rather than something sounding like T&A.

Big "D" Stands For Divorce

One man's heartbreak is another man's treasure. Now a Dallas hotel is offering special packages for divorce "parties." Hotel ZaZa is offering a celebratory cake and limo service in the package, but warns, "Just like a divorce, the party doesn't come cheap." Packages for one night can run up to $2,250, meaning the people checking in must be the ones who WON in divorce court.

The Business of Doggie Self-Esteem

I recently blogged about how big pharma was coming up with treatments for every conceivable human condition we believe our pets are suffering from -- like depression. I suggested that perhaps we'd soon have doggie breast implants (you'd have to buy a set of eight I'd imagine). Two readers pointed out to me that I'd forgotten to mention "Neuticles," the, um, replacements for a dog who's had his you-know-whats removed. Like the dog cares.

From Kayla: "I'm not sure I'd want something to go in my dog that was designed by folks with severe inattention to grammar, but here's a clip from the website: 'Neuticles allowing your pet to retain his natural look, self esteem and aids in the trauma associated with neutering.' Hmm... I wonder whose trauma we are talking about here."

Brad Pitt Makes Me Sick

Japanese movie theaters are printing warnings that some moviegoers have gotten nauseous watching "Babel." No reason given.

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