Funny Business with Jane Wells

Diary of a CTO, Bob Barker, And Talk Like Obama


CIO.comis an online resource for Chief Information Officers, you know, the head IT guys. And whether they live here or in India, they share a common fate: doomed to a maze of pipelines, processes, and Bluetooth earphones.

The site recently did a survey over which wireless devices create the most "buzz" around speakers (BlackBerry Pearl is the buzziest). But my favorite recent column (yes, it's true, I occasionally read something called is titled "Diary of a Tired CTO." It's written by a 17-year veteran of IT named "thejendra," currently working in Bangalore. Here are the highlights:

"Dear Diary,

I did the following things this month.

Met fourteen different IT vendors who gave an impressive high impact presentation on how their products and services can guarantee cost effective, cutting edge, optimized, and seamless, business value in tune with our strategic goals.

Rejected three vendors as their presentations were not in line with strategic customer oriented initiatives to suit next generation business clients.

Had a detailed discussion (for the 636th time) with all business stakeholders on how our latest strategic initiatives can totally align IT to suit business needs and deliver increasing business value with constant innovation in our journey to the Promised Land.

Declined an invite to fifteen seminars on the strategic benefits of early adoption of new emerging technologies. Thought I would wait till they fully emerge from wherever they are emerging.

Added one new business jargon sentence "Key transition leader and catalyst for enhancing customer centric business landscapes" to make my resume look good."

There's more, but I don't think you can take it.

I love Wikipedia, but I don't depend on Wikipedia for accuracy. I was reminded why this week. I'm covering the launch of the CGS, the Championship Gaming Series, a pro videogaming league. Its spokesman is Johnathan Wendel, better known as Fatal1ty. I call him the Tony Hawk of videogaming. He has parlayed some prize winnings into a multi-million dollar merchandise licensing empire.

I checked out his bio on Wikipedia, and discovered he'd been cyberpunked! His bio changed the name "Fatal1ty" to something I can't print here. It called him "a professional nerd player who has won approximately $50 U.S. in cash..." and that most of his winnings came "in several solitaire games." OUCH. Someone must have gotten "majorly fragged" by Wendel in competition. But it does illustrate how Wikipedia can be manipulated. However, the errors were corrected within hours, and if you go to Wendel's bio now you will see that any editing "by unregistered or newly registered users" is banned until July 14th, "due to vandalism."


Bob Barker in "The Price is Right"

Friday is Bob Barker's last day on "The Price is Right." Actually his last day was last week, but the show airs Friday, which is when I will be showing some behind-the-scenes footage for a story on how Barker taught so many Americans about money.

Speaking of money. It appears Barker and an animal rights group are auctioning off his iconic microphone on eBay . You know, the old fashioned long mike with a long cord? Last time I checked the bidding had reached nearly $20,000! All proceeds will go to United Activists for Animal Rights.

We were at the final taping, and Barker was asked after the show why he had never converted to a modern, wireless microphone. Barker replied, "I've never changed because I'm afraid that if I came out without it, they (the audience) wouldn't recognize me. But in truth, we think, and I'm convinced, that our audience doesn't want us to change anything!" He said fans have been asking what will happen to the microphone, and he's suggested "the new fella" (his yet-to-be-named replacement) will use a cordless mike, "and they say no! no! no! They want him to use the kind of microphone that I use."

The "new fella" may end up using the same KIND of microphone, but not the same microphone. It could be yours: Bob Barker Microphone on eBay.

Public speaking coach Timothy Koegel teaches CEO's how to be polished public speakers. Apparently, he thinks strategies that work in a boardroom can work at the kitchen table. According to Wireless Flash News, "Koegel says parents should always make sure to approach their children in a confident--but comfortable--manner, and keep in mind that every time they open their mouths, they're a public speaker." He suggests Mom and Dad aspire to speak like Barack Obama or Tony Blair.

This will never happen. If this guy has kids, I would love to see him do a Barack when Junior crashes the car.

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