Funny Business with Jane Wells

Steve Wozniak, Geek Squad and (The Real Fake Jane)

The Wizard of Woz photo composite

Ever wanted to meet the Woz? I DO! Change the world? Eh, not so much. But now you can do both. Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak is attending the upcoming IdeaFestivalbeing sponsored by Best Buy's Geek Squad. It's an annual gathering of idea people--not Madison Avenue idea people, you know, the guys who brainstorm about putting monkeys in commercials--but people with ideas for changing the world! Through technology!

This year, you, dear readers, and any other geeks out there, are being challenged to come up with the best ideas for "fostering social, economic and environmental sustainability through technology." Stuff like e-waste ideas, cutting energy costs. The contest is being called "What's Your Big Idea?" (I smell a Donny Deutsch spinoff), and winners will be announced at the festival September 13-15. And where is this massive tech/idea/geek festival being held? San Francisco? No. LA? No. Vegas? Nope. The IdeaFestival will gather in Louisville. Ah, Kentucky in August. Well, that's why they're geeks. I, for one, hope to do bourbon shots with them.

Too bad Steve Wozniak doesn't have his own fake blog, like Steve Jobs does. In fact, today has Apple's CEO "really, really" wishing he could tell us what tomorrow's earnings will be. Meantime, fakesteve verbally bit real Steve (Wozniak)

TODAY'S INSTALLMENT OF FAKEJANE (note to management: this is a joke, it did not happen, do not fire me):

Fake Jane photo composite

"Occasionally executives at the competition call me. Usually, it's a dialing mistake and I have to patch them through to the person they meant to call. But the other day a top dog with an Australian accent called fakejane while Real Jane was indisposed. He asked if I'm available to meet. Well, no. But... then I asked him that if we COULD meet, what would we meet about? He said he just wanted to tell me how much he loves my work, and how impressed he is that someone so young can have such a grasp of the stock market. He's apparently under the impression that I'm, well, young-ish, that my kids are his kids' ages. The second set of kids. I decided not to correct him. Strictly out of politeness. Thinking I'm young-ish is a common mistake. You see, no one has been able to view me in hi-def yet, since CNBC hasn't gone HD. HD is evil. The day CNBC goes hi-def is the beginning of the end of this reporter's career. I have two jars of vaseline standing by to smear on the lenses when that happens. Even with the non-HD cameras we use now I make sure we put on enough 'Babs Walters filters' to make me look like I'm broadcasting from underwater next galaxy over. You will NEVER see fakejane's true face. Still, as I wrapped up my conversation with "down under man," I thought I heard him say, 'Nice chatting with you, Dylan.' Hmmm. Maybe those camera filters aren't working so well."

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