Funny Business with Jane Wells

Honda Surf Festival: Cow-a Bunga Dude (Or Steers Hang Ten)

Most mind-numbing PR stunt of the summer (so far): Here's the headline:

"100 cows face-off against world-class surfers during Honda U.S. Open of Surfing at the Huntington Beach Pier"

Where's the beef? Against the backdrop of the world's largest professional surfing competition, 100 cows will be herded into the Honda U.S. Open of Surfing by 40 cowboys on Thursday, July 26. The first-ever beach cattle drive at the Huntington Beach Pier takes place at 7:00 a.m., even as professional surfing's "elite athletes take to the waves."

But one question, my friends. Why? Email me with suggested explanations. I will post them.

Anyway, those surfers may have some competition ridin' the waves. Check this out surfer dudes: cow hangin' ten.

This landed in the inbox of a colleague, and I've shortened here to try to keep you awake:

"There is an event transpiring at the United Nations on August 13 that may not, at first glance, appear to be of great moment for a business-news organization such as CNBC... but it is."

On that date, a little over a decade from when she decided to manufacture her first pair of socks, Kathy Irelandwill be at the U.N. headquarters to address its Annual Youth Assembly, teaching a large and select group of kids from around the world how the most unlikely people can start businesses that make their countries' economies click.

What proof can she offer them? Well, she was a Sports Illustrated Swim Suit model, a species generally suspected of having no pertinent equipment above the neck other than a face, a smile and lavish hair. How did she get from a pair of socks (she just sold her one hundred millionth) to an annual gross of nearly one and a half billion dollars? Because her audacious start in the fashion design and manufacture field taught her that you have to know exactly what your public needs in every product area before you presume to create for them.

No one admires and respects Kathy Ireland's success more than I do. It is an amazing story, which we have told on CNBC 365,413 times. But, follow me here: United Nations--socks--clicking economies--Sports Illustrated swimsuit model--species--Kathy Ireland--CNBC. As my colleague said, "My head hurts."

Last week I blogged about my good friend, Andy, who lives out in the hinterlands of Northern California. He's been fighting to have his broadband service restored by WildBlue, which has continued to charge him while he's been disconnected. WildBlue provides high-speed internet service via satellite to rural communities that usually have no other choice. Andy had been in customer service hell, and I wrote about it.  Lo and behold! Suddenly, one of the repair guys (who said he's one of only two out west) showed up! Andy was told that his case had become priority #1 after it "came up on a website."

I'm glad for Andy. I'm not glad for the other customers who are still waiting.

My latest Fake Jane entry on Tuesday focused on Fake Jane's needs to look young on camera. Well, a friend responded:

"I worked for many years with a hilarious radio personality named Ted Brown. One night in the early 1970's, the aging Marlene Dietrich starred in a TV special. The next day, Ted commented, 'You know how, when they photograph older women, they shoot them through egg whites? They shot HER through the WHOLE CHICKEN!'"

Fake Jane hadn't thought of that...

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