Funny Business with Jane Wells

O.J. Becomes The iJ In His Own "Funny Business"


Another century, another O.J. Simpson trial. Las Vegas is gearing up for the ka-ching the media circus will bring to town. All the hotel rooms and meals that Marcia Clark and friends will take up covering the event should create quite a cash infusion. The bar tab alone will bail out several waitresses caught in the Vegas subprime meltdown.

The 1995 murder trial in Los Angeles cost Los Angeles County a reported $9 million, but it was more than made up for by the tidal wave of cash coming into the local economy from people like, oh, me, who made gobs of dough and then spent like I was making Katie Couric cash.

Vegas can expect a lot of money earned in Vegas will stay in Vegas, as every satellite truck engineer from Bangor to Banff shows up and spends his free time doing what they do there.

But this is a NEW century, and NEW trial, and attached is the obvious new device for monitoring the case, the iJ:

Just in time for the new trial, you can now preorder "Juiced" on, available Dec. 31st:

This is an actual reality TV show in which O.J. Simpson went undercover to pull pranks on people. It's supposed to be kinda like "Punk'd" but starring a man found liable for the bloody murders of two people.

Here's a summary of various of O.J.'s "insanely hilarious practical jokes" in the R-rated "Juiced" (people I am not making this up):

"'ESCAPABILITY' -- O.J. as a used car salesman attempting to peddle an infamous white Ford Bronco (with a bullet-hole on the driver's side autographed by O.J. Simpson himself) that you will have to see to believe!! 'DON'T TOUCH MY BALLS' -- O.J. as a celebrity golfer attempting to escape a menacing Paparazzi that nearly gets decapitated with a nine iron!! 'SURREAL ESTATE' -- O.J. as a real estate buyer who sabotages a public open house gone completely wild, including an eye-popping topless female guest!! 'VIVA JUICE VEGAS' -- O.J. as a jaw-dropping singing O.J. Elvis impersonator!!"

I wish I could've been in on that pitch meeting with the studios: ("Look, this is going to really push the envelope. 'Punk'd' is for losers--getting 'Juiced' is edgy. This show is 'Candid Camera' meets 'Caligula.' But look, I need your answer today, because Fox is all over us about this...")

Who creates On, the director is only listed as "R.M.," but on the link here, the producer is listed as Todd Richard Lewis, whose past projects include "Trick My Truck," and "Bum Hunts, Tales from the Bum Cage."

While Simpson stands accused of masterminding an armed robbery to recover his Hall of Fame certificate, LeBron James is busy...chewing bubblegum. Yes, as Barry Bonds works with an asterisk, Floyd Landis returns his yellow jersey, and no one can stand to work with Kobe Bryant, James has become Commissioner of the Bubblicious Ultimate Bubble-Blowing League (the UBBL). A week from Sunday in Times Square the star of the Cavs will crown winners of the UBBL's "Ultimate Bubble Blowout Tournament." I thought I'd leave you today with a link to the website, just to let you know that all is not lost when it comes to pro athletes.

After I blogged about a Missouri group which hunts down Zombies, Gene from South Jersey (which he writes "formerly part of NJ") writes: Where do I sign up for the Zombie Squad? I mean how much trouble can you get in killing dead things?

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