Funny Business with Jane Wells

America "Loves" Going Under The Knife--And Needle

Fake Jane photo composite

Have you ever noticed how Fake Jane's face never changes its expression? That's because she's the face of America! The latest statistics from the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (FJ's favorite professional group) prove that Americans of all shapes and sizes, sexes and races, ages and genders, are going under the knife and needle.

There were nearly 12 million cosmetic procedures last year, a jump of 8 percent. This means one out of 25 Americans had something done, though, more likely, it's one out of 100 as some people keep coming back for more (like, um, Fake Jane). The total money spent on pursuing the Fountain of Youth--or the Fountain of Pamela Anderson--was $13 billion! That's more money than people spent on videogames or going to the movies.

Once again, Botox led the way. However, the number of women getting non-surgical procedures (Botox, Restylane, etc) DROPPED, though less than one percent. Still, has the "injecting stuff into your face" craze flattened?

Here's a breakdown of how many procedures were done in 2007:

Botox 2,775,176

Hyaluronic Acid (Hylaform, Restylane) 1,448,716

Laser Hair Removal 1,412,657

Microdermabrasion 829,658

Laser Skin Resurfacing 647,707

Liposuction 456,828

Breast augmentation 399,440

Eyelid surgery 240,763

Abdominoplasty 185,335

Female breast reduction 153,087 (ok, how many MALE breast reductions? Turns out there were 20,000 of those.)

Speaking of men, the number of male patients jumped 17 percent last year, though they still account for less than ten percent of total procedures. And one out of five procedures was performed on Americans from "traditional racial and ethnic minorities." I see this either as a sign of increasing economic clout, or the death of culture. Or both.

Read the full release here.

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