Funny Business with Jane Wells

Countrywide Stock Lights Up, And Colon Better Than Semi-Colon


Countrywide stock, as of Thursday's close, was up 16 percent for the week, and up a whopping 55 percent since March 17th.

Wednesday night, Countrywide released a flurry of Form 4s, including one showing that CEO Angelo Mozilo has been granted a stock appreciation right (SAR) of 2,358,491 shares, with a strike price of $6.22. The SAR vests in three parts over the next three Decembers.

A stock appreciation right is like an option grant--you pocket the difference if shares rise above your strike price. Except, unlike exercising options, where you have to pay the company the strike price, an SAR skips that and just gives you the money from the increase in share price.

For folks out of work, like, well, a lot of people at Countrywide, now you can advertise yourself 24/7. Blackbird Tees is selling "The Resume Tee." Upload your resume and pay $30 and you can get a T-shirt that says "Hire Me" on the front, and has your resume on the back. See here.

Blackbird Tees creator Jody Dyer tells Flash News she started wearing the shirt herself when she began her business. "It helped me get a lot of job offers," she says. "I built this business with the help of people who I met while wearing the shirt."

Some people believe the economy is in the toilet. That is my pathetic transition to one last, totally unrelated item.

How do you go about effectively promoting a new...colostomy bag? Well, Ken Schena gave it his best shot! He's introducing via press release the Schena EZ-Clean ostomy pouch, which empties in a revolutionary new way.

"Currently, colostomates and Ileostomates must clean their pouch by hand. It is an unpleasant and time consuming task...Because the Schena EZ-Clean system can be cleaned without ever touching the pouch contents, colostomates feel much cleaner, and it is a much more pleasant experience for them. It has a tremendous psychological effect on the ostomate. A truly positive effect on their everyday life!"

First let me say that there, but for the grace of God, go I. Second, that's the first time I've ever heard the term "colostomate" ("My Dad's Ukrainian," "Mine's a Colostomate"). Third, I had no clue what an Ileostomate is, but I Googled it, and it's when you don't have a colon. I have never appreciated my colon as much as I do at this moment.

Here's the link. Warning: it's a colostomy bag, ok?

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