Funny Business with Jane Wells

American "Idol" Chatter

If you don’t watch “American Idol,” move on. The other 30 million of you—let’s dish. Here are my thoughts on last night’s show. Email me yours and I’ll post them.

The audience is still booing the departure of Michael Johns, or maybe they're still booing Ryan for cruelly leaving the Aussie hanging a few moments last week, thinking he might get a reprieve. Mariah Carey was a great mentor. I was ready to hate her, but I couldn’t.

She worked hard to make the contestants comfortable and she gave them good tips. Plus, I’d like to hire her lighting guy. My favorite line from her:

“Just look at me as whatever,” she told the nervous contestants, saying they should think of her as “just my friend who I met last week who sings and sometimes writes songs.” As if.

Now to the performances.

David Archuleta: man, this kid can sing. Archuleta and Carey! I prepared to get a tissue for his performance, got ready to cry...and then I didn't. It was a solid performance, but not memorable. "Sorry," as Simon says.

Carly Smithson: never looked better. She did a very good job singing, but we learned that she is not Mariah Carey.

Syesha Mercado: looked fantastic. I predicted—incorrectly—that Syesha would go home last week. Lucky for us, she did not. Though I didn’t quite believe Mariah LIKED Syesha, I thought her performance was one of the best of the night. And I haven’t thought that about Syesha in some time, if ever.

Brooke White: ok, here’s my problem with Brooke. She seems like a really sweet person who would go postal on you. Yeah yeah, we all know you didn’t get to go to your sister’s wedding. Do you think that maybe the bride didn’t want to be overshadowed by her suddenly-famous sister on her wedding day?

Brooke was at the piano again, and I prepared to roll my eyes. Except I actually kind of liked the performance. I just wish she’d STOP INTERRUPTING the judges when they talk, and that she’d stop that lip-pursing thing she does while listening.

Kristy Lee Cook: if you’d told me a few weeks ago that Mariah Carey would say that Kristy Lee Cook gave her goosebumps, I would’ve spewed out my grande-two-pump-non-fat-no-foam mocha on you. I wrote off Kristy Lee a long time ago…but she won’t die! Each week she’s determined to stay in, and each week she gets a little bit better! Plus, I love her look of defiant anger. Stay angry, KL! It's working!

David Cook: my long-time favorite. But, to be honest, I didn’t like the first part of the song. I liked the second half a lot. Overall, it wasn't worthy of Randy’s first standing “o” of the season. Especially when you compare it to Cook’s version of “Billy Jean” and “Eleanor Rigby.”

Maybe it was better live.

Jason Castro: there is something about this guy. He is so real, so untainted. I’m not sure he quite believed in the song he was singing, but I can’t imagine the competition without him. How can you not love this guy? He’s like “Mr. Spicoli” in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High,” but without the drug issues.

Bottom three: I say Carly, Syesha, and Brooke. Carly may be in trouble. But what do I know?

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email