Funny Business with Jane Wells

Megan, Michael, Madoff, And More - Your Emails


First, here is the best email ever! From Ralph M., written in response to no particular blogpost: "I have hired and fired many writers. Jane Wells is a dumb slut." Thank you, Ralph! At least Jane is not an ignorant slut, only...dumb.

Several readers commented on the Kodak contest to identify "Rose Boy", the young man trying to hand a rose to actress Megan Fox:

Robert W. presents a truly gallant option: "In case of Eastman-Kodak's inability to find 'rose boy' I wanted to solicit my services as a back-up 'rose boy' if the need happens to present itself. I'll even donate the $5k to a charity (Megan's choice!), pay for my own travel costs, and (I say this only because I'm truly a giver) buy her dinner."

David K. invokes "Slumdog Millionaire", only creepier: "In the pic series, Megan Fox looks stressed and paparazzi-annoyed, and the whole scene plays a little stalker-ish. Inexplicably, this awakens Kodak's muse, who apparently has visions of Megan meeting Rose Boy at a train station and singing 'Jai Ho' with him. When I first glanced at the pics, my imagination presented a different iconic and much more cynical response, somewhere between Mark David Chapman and Jack Ruby. Of course, this is no doubt unfair to the kid, who seems as harmless as he was florally-prepared...For Kodak's sake, I hope at least one person in their marketing conference room that day went, 'Ewwwwww...Really?'"

Jason J. was one of many trying to identify the kid: "Is that the...kid from Two and Half Men? Seriously Jane, how can we be in one of the country's worst economic times when the following are happening: 1) The mega millions lotto is at $87 million. 2) Kodak is dropping $5k to find a kid. 3) $50k was awarded to a texting champion. We are still dropping Hamilton's like Aaron Burr."

Micah L.:"That is definitely Jay Leno, Jr."

On my Michael Jackson coverage, Gino P. writes: "Why don't they play all the videos ridiculing Michael Jackson, including jokes on tv, and see how it feels like now that he's dead?...People are so good at making fun of people, and when they're dead, they turn around a 180 degrees..."

After Madoff victim Nancy Barrie-Chivian forwarded me her fake letterto "Dear Ruthie",  Deborah D. wrote: "Bless your heart for showing such grace under fire. You put a true smile on some sad faces today with your letter to Ruth. Needless to say, the undertones were priceless! You took the obvious and put a spin on it that is appreciated by all of us who have watched the unfolding of this tragedy. I can tell you are a strong woman . . . Stay strong! Do not let this define your future."

David C. wasn't amused: "Not funny in the slightest, a bricklayer lost his entire retirement and is now destitute, and the cases are repeated over and over. You think this is funny?"

On the blog about Jon & Kate and the Apocalypse, Peter R. was first: "I am so disgusted that Jon & Kate are considered newsworthy, I literally change the channel when CBS   or CNN or whatever news outlet I'm watch 'reports' on them. For some reason I clicked on this link, and after reading it, realize that perversely it makes sense for a financial news site to cover the show. Being a shareholder in Discovery, I am glad to learn that at least they've benefited from it...I think."

An amazing email from small businessman Ed L. on the California economy: "We sell our plastic containers with the State of California prisons. They have been on pre-pay credit card for 2 years now. The purchasing guy for the prison told me last week they are getting ALL of their credit cards pulled...He has 'NO Idea how he is going to buy needed supplies for the prison'..."

Lou G. has come up with his own California-esque leading indicator: "Only when the percentage of California residents wearing iPhones exceeds the percentage wearing underwear, will California's economic recovery begin, and thereby signal overall US recovery in general."

An email from Steve S. after I questioned how hard up an actor must be to accept a gig in the Comfort Wipe video: "My take would be that hunger is a great motivator for young actors. A friend of mine was a copywriter at the NY ad agency that created the original Valtrex TV commercials, and he told us some interesting stories of how they were cast. He still considers the ads a career highlight. Although I believe that one actress who they considered for the lead reneged once she discovered the herpes connection..."

Finally, after I suggested that Janice Dickinson--with all her personal tics--should be America's secret weapon of mass destruction, Michael S. responded: "I resent the reference to the hygiene habits of eight-year-old boys, having been one once. I rather enjoyed that period of time..."

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