There Must Be A Pony In Here Somewhere

Madoff vs. Skilling: Who Would Win THAT Prison Brawl?

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It’s the stuff headline writers’ dreams are made of: Bernie Madoff gets into a prison brawl.

Well, I have to take a little issue with use of the word “brawl” — it was really two old guys shoving each other. It wasn’t a good old-fashion prison beatdown like the one Allen Stanford got — a concussion, broken nose and two black eyes.

Still, you have to admit, it was pretty AWESOME.

And, of course, all this comes as the former Enron CEO Jeff Skilling, currently serving 24 years for his role in one of the biggest corporate frauds in history, gets his day in court — the Supreme Court — which means he could walk after all.

That convergence sparked some newsroom discussion: Why hasn’t Skilling ever been involved in a prison brawl? Furthermore, if he was, would he win?

Natch, that, led to a Prison Fantasy League: If Bernie Madoff and Sanford Allen got into a prison fight, who would win?

(Eh, probably Madoff. I’ll bet Sanford fights like a girl. All flapping hands and whatnot.)

OK, ok, what about Madoff vs. Skilling? You’ve got the scrappy New Yorker vs. the explosive energy chief.

We present to you: THE PRISON FANTASY LEAGUE. Six contenders, five matches. You vote!

THE CONTENDERS:

Bernard Madoff

Bernie Madoff: 71 years old. From New York. Serving 150 years for one of the largest Ponzi schemes in history that swindled hundreds, including quite a few celebrities—even Kevin Bacon.

Fun fact: Obsessive compulsive. Insists on smoked salmon sandwiches. No round edges tolerated.