Funny Business with Jane Wells

Madoff—The Holiday Drink

Photo By: David Gallagher

The Cognito PR group has done it again.

Last year, to add a little levity to the miserable doldrums of Wall Street, Cognito came up with some special cocktails for its holiday party with names like the CosmoPaulson and the TARPatini.

This year, I've gotten a sneak peek at the 2009 menu for next week's get-together:

THE MERRILL LYCHEE-"A newly American blend of Millers gin, lychee puree, with acquired essences of rose and ginger." Does it come in a $1.2 million commemorative John Thain bar glass?

THE HFTini-"A quick fix for the high frequency thirst, comprised of Stoli vodka, Marie Brizard Mango passion, mango and passion fruit puree, and fresh lime juice." Only the pros drink these, retail drinkers not allowed.

TOO SPRIG TO FAIL-"A huge bailout of Stoli vodka, Marie Brizard Crème de Cacao white, and green mint." Lots of green, lots, from the mint.

THE AIG&T-"Gin plays counterparty to a splash of tonic and a wedge of lime." And everybody loses.

V-SHAPED RECOVERY-"For those hoping for an upturn, a rebound of a vodka cocktail, with indicators of apple, Manzanita, and Chambord." I think I'll double dip!

THE COGNITO MOJITO-"A clear communications mix of muddled cucumber, mint and sugar, Bacardi raspberry and fresh lime."

And my favorite...

THE MADOFF-"A house 17 specialty - a bartender favorite, but maybe not for you...if you order it, the bartender drinks your cocktail and you're left empty-handed." And yet you'll still be the one with the hangover.

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