Funny Business with Jane Wells

The Lloyd's Prayer, Leggo My Eggo, Plate Hate & Your Emails

I'm woefully behind on reader emails, and there have been so many good ones, as usual. I'm going to divide them up in a few posts over the next couple of days.

First, a lot of emails and a lot of opinions over The Lloyd's Prayer , written by reader Rick Ambrose.

Denny O. writes: "Hilarious, Janie!!"

From GR: "Not even a little bit funny. Let alone that you have mocked the Lord's prayer--I have held your site in high accord until this one. Shame on you that this was the best thing you could find to put out."  

John M.: "Outrageously funny."

April N.: "I find this very offensive and sacrilegious. I don't see you taking prayers to Muhammad or some of the Jewish prayers and making fun of them, because there would be backlash beyond belief. But take something that is sacred to most Christians and make fun, and it is ok.... SAD SAD SAD. I am very disheartened. Our country has no standards or morals anymore." ?

Jeff J. goes from New to Old Testament, sending me this image he created of Blankfein parting the Red Sea.

Photo collage by Jeff J.

Even more emails flooded the inbox about the Eggo shortage which could last UNTIL NEXT JUNE!

Rick S.: "The damn French toast has disappeared as well."

Alan S. suggests a substitution: "You may want to try and find Ian's Frozen French Toast. Really good. Usually found in places like Whole Foods. I would hate for your son to starve and it's much more 'California' than the Eggos."

From Michael S.: "It gets worse! Over the past year it became increasingly difficult, then impossible, to buy Hormel's Chipped Beef. You know the stuff -- shred it, sauté it in butter and flour, then mix in milk and heat and pour over a slice of toast. That All-American treat known throughout the military and on college campuses as 's*** on a shingle.' It no longer exists on my local grocers' shelves and, according to Hormel's website, nobody within 100 miles stocks the stuff. What's us folk supposed to do for a cheap and filling meal?"

Lorice weighs in with another missing food product! "I've been searching for Nabisco Zwieback for months. I was beginning to think that I was crazy when I decided to ask a woman filling up her shopping cart with baby food if she knew what happened to the Zwieback. Another woman got all excited and said that they discontinued the Zwieback. I Googled Zwieback, and, sure enough, there are a lot of people blogging about Zwieback being discontinued. There are a lot of cheese cakes and pies that will never be the same!" ?

Katherine J. says the Eggo story is "old news": "The case of the mysterious disappearance of the Black & White Eggos was noticed months ago by my son when I repeatedly returned from the food store without them. Since then, I bought a Belgian Waffle maker and so far it has solved this culinary problem." ?

Ron A.: "My wife noticed 2 weeks ago that her favorite strawberry Eggos were unavailable. Now I can sound intelligent tonight and solve the mystery for her."

Trudy S. apparently thinks I'm capable of succeeding in the kitchen: "Waffles really are not hard to make. I suggest purchasing one of the really cute Mickey Mouse waffle irons and giving it a try. Batter can be kept in the refrigerator for several days-- as in Monday through Friday when you do not have a lot of time. Homemade does not have to mean time consuming or difficult. Honest." Au contraire, Trudy, au contraire...

Richard D. says the Eggo shortage screws up his diet plans: "Nutrigrain low fat Eggos waffles supply the carbs...You spread your favorite fat free yogurt on top...Well, 2010, then ... argh.

A very nice email from Charlie F.: "The Eggo article just confirms once again how you're the best for those of us who live in the real world. I really don't think you know how many people enjoy what you have to say..." ?

Finally, for now, emails about, the Web site where you can post license tags of bad drivers.

Don M. says his brother came up with an idea: "Each year when you pay for your tag or registration, you receive 5 flags that you load into the onboard dart gun which will shoot them into the back of a dumb drivers' car. The dart makes a permanent hole. There is a 12 inch wire with a flag. The police just patrol and look for cars covered in flags. When you are getting your car repaired from the dart, you might realize you did something stupid, like ride in the left lane 10 mph below the limit just because you have to turn left 22 miles down the road. (my wife does this ALL the Time!)" ?

From Rob S: "What boils my blood and triggers the revenge urge is being tailgated so close that I can't even see the car's headlights in my mirror. I feel threatened and attacked by someone with no regard for my safety or their own. Even tapping my brakes fails to deter them. Now I'm really mad...My heart says -'Kill the b@*stard! My head says - Cool it!' You really did make the right choice ...this time. One other option: Get their license plate number and send it with a full description of the offense to your local police..." ?

From Mike N.: "Anyone who logs onto Plate Hate website really has to much time on their hand and needs to get a hobby...You will never win fighting back."

Finally, a good one from Connie S.: "I recently followed a car for several miles that did not have its headlights on. The car pulled into a local grocery store, so I pulled up next to it. I lady in her early 30's stepped out of the car. I asked her if she realized that she did not have her headlights on. She replied: 'Yes, I know. My husband says we need to save on electricity.' And she was serious!!! I didn't know what to say or how to respond. I just walked away. True story - suburb of Kansas City, MO."

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