There Must Be A Pony In Here Somewhere

A $3 Million Mansion + Celebrity Housewarming for $30

What do you get when you mix a celebrity desperate for attention, a couple of Floridians desperate to sell their house and a slew of homeless people with drinking problems? The real estate deal of the century, that's what.

Photo by Aston Bright, Jr.

Yeah, these are the times we live in.

Fresh off a stint in rehab and and dustup over unpaid hotel bills in Germany, Dennis Rodman's next move was — real estate!

OK, here’s what happened: Rodman recently got involved with a Florida charity, the Mission of St. Francis(which helps the homlesss battle addiction), that just so happened to be working with a Florida couple to raffle off their $3 million mansion at $30 a ticket.

And now, he’s become a sort of unofficial spokesperson for the raffle, even changing the Web site to

It may be the oddest couple since Flavor Flav and Brigitte Nielsen, but if you think about it, it makes sense: Rodman wants to clean up his image after rehab (which will air on VH1 next year) and Miles and Laura Brannan need to sell enough tickets to get rid of their house.

So if you’re the Mission, do you really want a volatile celebrity like Rodman counseling the people you help? No. You’ve got to play to his strengths — put him out front in all of his crazy glory to draw attention to what it is you’re doing.

So, Rodman’s taking a shot at the buzzer in the final weeks of the raffle to help them sell tickets.

We'll see if he's still the rebound king after all these years.

“Charity is a good thing in my life,” Rodman said. “I’ve been there. I’ve been broke. But I’m not broke now. We live a good life now. And as a family, we want to help others.”

“They’re good people — amazing, that Miles and Laura,” Rodman said of the owners. “They’re restructuring their lives … I’m there for them.”

Besides doing a media blitz, Rodman is Twittering and Facebooking about the raffle, reaching out to old friends and corporate sponsors and even making a personal video tour of the mans—I mean, crib — to lure people into buying tickets.

The video kicks off with a synthesized beat — Ba … Mmm … Ba ba — as Dennis cruises up to the house in a silver Bentley convertible.

“Hi, guys, this is Dennis Rodman,” he says, beckoning the camera into the house.

After a tour of the downstairs, complete with MTV-style camera close-ups and shaky pans of the rooms, he walks up the stairs to show off “the most important part of the house.”

“If you’re going to be the master of this home, this massive home, this great home here,” he says, “you’ve got to have a master bedroom that’s going to fit your needs when all the kids are sleeping, and you and [inaudible] have a nice, quiet, romantic, you know, interlude. Guess what guys — check this out.”

Awwww, yeaaah.

Not only is he hustling tickets but he’s going to personally call the winner when the name is drawn on Christmas day — and he’s even going to throw them a housewarming party!

I don’t know what’s more surreal: winning a mansion or having Dennis Rodman show up to throw you a housewarming party.

I’m going with housewarming party.

What do you think he’ll wear?!

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