Funny Business with Jane Wells

Robot Girlfriends, The Biggest Wieners, Tiger - Your Emails

Catching up on reader email, and there is plenty of it.

On this week's post about the talking female robots, Ben P. writes: "I believe Ms. Wells incorrectly applies the term 'evolution' in the following passage: 'There are several videos on YouTube showing the 'evolution' of the robots from the mute smiling original in 2006, to those who now actually speak and can answer a few questions.' Evolution implies an improvement to previous characteristics or traits. A rough sampling of the male population on whether or not the 2006 model can actually be improved upon will bring this conclusion to light..."

Cartoonist Doug Pikesent in a toon based on my reports that things were a little slow in Las Vegas: 

Source: Doug Pike

Mike N., who works in a post office, writes in about online retail packages: "So far, as of Dec. 12th, the Post Office IS still slow. Picking up a bit...The media claims that retail sales are 1.3 percent higher. This is on a record low comparison from 2008. If 2008 was a F, then 2009 looks like a D for us at the PO. We barely have eight hours of work per three shifts....Jane, my parents are from the Great Depression and are still in that lifestyle shell. Will it take the 2008-2009 victims as long?"

About the blog on office furniturefor your car, Stephen P. writes, "Dear Jane, After over 30 years of marriage it would be a pleasure to purchase for my wife the Mobile Office Car Desk with Printer for Christmas. What a way to go baby!"

Jeff J. wrote in about several stories--AND EVEN SENT ME A LINK TO THE BEST WEB SITE EVER ABOUT THE WORST GIFTS EVER! He also commented on the blog about the biggest wiener ever: "Thanks for hot dog story 'links' and for being 'frank' about the fat / cholesterol counts. Regarding Abbate's request to eat a (Big A**) hot dog, call his bluff and do it! I'll bet YOU and your family can devour ONE this month...As for 'big a** onions', Outback's delightful Bloomin' Onion really uses special onions. Try giant meatballs - imagine the culinary presentations (some obviously can be blush-inducing) or giant beans (is it the frank or the beans?)...Bon appetit!" (Jeff then provided many links to big these giant pumpkins)

Finally, with all the blogs about Tiger, Bob W. wrote a poem called "Tiger Tiger...with apologies to William Blake".

I can't print the whole thing, but here's a sampling:

Your girlfriends now count in the dozens
You'd have us think they're kissin' cousins,
The fans have got the right to hurt
Most sponsors think you look like dirt 

We're sad to see you go away
We will not get to watch you play
Maybe you can hide in France
Since you can't keep it in your pants

Tiger Tiger you're a fright
How many girls in just one night?
You know it really will be funny
To watch your ex take all your money

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email