Funny Business with Jane Wells

We Have a Slogan

Jane for Governor

The winning slogan for my fake campaign for Governor is the original one we suggested: "Vote for Jane, She Can't Be Any Worse!"

This slogan was actually my idea, so I can't give myself the prize, which is a campaign T-shirt.

However, Debbie Smith of Orange County came up with the second place winner, "Let's Get Fiscal" (makes me laugh every time I say it).

Smith gets the tee! Woo-hoo, Debbie!

Next up: what title my husband, a corporate pilot, should go by after I win.

I've gotten so many great suggestions, but here are my favorites.

Vote for yours.

No prize here, just funny business.

So what's next?

We in the newly-formed Teavage Party of Californiahave our work cut out for us in the Golden State. Standard & Poor's just downgraded California's debt rating another notch to A-. This puts us only one notch above Greece, the poorest country in the Euro Region. Opa!

S&P fears that California won't have enough cash to pay all of its bills by March. "A number of the budget measures are not functioning as planned...we believe the state's options have narrowed considerably as the one-time measures and funding have lapsed." The ratings agency expressed skepticism about Governor Schwarzenegger's new budget proposal, saying he may not be able to get all the money requested from the federal government, he may not convince voters to approve changes necessary to move money around, and he may fail to get the two-thirds majority needed in the Democrat-controlled Legislature to approve cuts across a wide variety of programs.

However, S&P believes "the projected cash projection improves toward the end of fiscal 2010 even without approval of a budget revision." It also applauds State Controller John Chiang for "what we consider to be extraordinary cash management maneuvers that protect the state's priority payments, including those for debt service."

But it's mostly bad news. "We believe indications of economic stabilization suggest that a recovery, if underway, remains precarious. Furthermore, if economic or revenue trends substantially falter, we could lower the state rating during the next six to 12 months." Opa!

Bottom line, it's looking pretty bleak. Yet it's sunny and 70 degrees outside and the freeways are still paved and the water's still running and the lights are still on. How bad can it be? Maybe that's a policy platform issue for this campaign: "How Bad Can It Be?" Yes, people in state government have lost jobs or seen their pay cut. More people outside of government have had that happen. Services have been cut for the poor, and that's a shame, but it's still better to be poor here than to be rich in most of the rest of the world. I say that from the comfort of a nice home, health benefits, and a great job. No one handed these to me, by the way.

Californians need to reignite the pioneer spirit of self-determination and self-sufficiency. Take care of yourself. Take care of your neighbors. The only thing you should look to state government for is clean water, safe streets, and access to a K-12 education.

WOW! I got kinda serious there. Sorry about that.

Back to the real issues. We have got to do something about Simon Cowell's wardrobe. It is so hurting the state's image.

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