Funny Business with Jane Wells

Wipe Away Your Tears

Cashmere Toilette Paper

In these tough economic times, a lot of people are cutting back, even on how much toilet paper they use.

But I say you only live once.

There's a grocery chain in the UK which is now selling toilet paper made partly with--I'm not kidding--cashmere. Waitrose stores have a new line of t-p called Waitrose Quilted Bathroom Tissue enriched with extracts of Cashmere. "According to recent economic figures the recession has bottomed out," Waitrose's website says with a wink, "but the experts still agree that we're not out of the woods yet."

But cashmere toilet paper seems such a...waste (heh heh), right? Well, the hope is that a little luxury will go a long way towards wiping away recession cares. 

The Telegraph newspaper reports that Waitrose won't say how much cashmere it's using, "but insists it is a 'significant' amount." However, there aren't any actual cashmere fibers worked into the toilet paper. Instead, "the paper is covered in oil extracted from the hairs of the cashmere goat."

Cashmere is a lot cheaper now than it used to be, so the cost of a four-roll pack will only impact your bottom line to the tune of $3.60. But you'll feel like a million bucks!

The Brits aren't the only ones getting loo-py over loo tissue. The Telegraph also reports that a Japanese company has created a machine which shreds regular paper and turns it into toilet paper! "Pop in 40 sheets of regular A4 paper," the newspaper reports, "and a half-hour later, the paper has been shredded, mixed with water, turned into a pulp, flattened, dried and converted into a roll of lavatory paper." They promise no staples will be included. Here's a video showing how it works.

Now you can take those emails from the boss and turn them into something useful! Though something tells me toilet paper made of office paper is going to need a lot of cashmere oil.

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email