Funny Business with Jane Wells

Are Your Still a Victim of "Cashtration?"

You continue to write me about our shared passion for stamping out indecipherable corporate-speak.

Someone tweeted me today that she heard "brand flavor" and "zippy" in the same sentence. I don't mind "zippy". I do mind "brand flavor", unless you're selling soda or candy. Which they weren't.

With all these made-up words and phrases invading our email inbox, let's make up our own.

As inspiration, someone sent me an oldie but goodie.

Five years ago, the Washington Post ran a contest called The Mensa Invitational. Entrants had to change, add, or delete one letter from a real word to create a whole new word with a whole new meaning. Five years later, it's amazing how many of these new words make even more sense now than they did then.

Here's a relevant list: ?

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time. ?

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an a**hole. ?

3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. ?

4. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. ?

6. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. ?

7. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. ?

8. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. ?

9. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. ?

10. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. ?

11. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. ?

Finally, the word which best describes my own recent failed attempt to "cleanse ": 12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

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