Funny Business with Jane Wells

You Know You're a Geek When...


I'm an unabashed geek.

Don't let the bottle blonde hair fool you.

I can quote from "Star Trek", "Star Wars", and, as a teenager, I really wanted to go live in Middle Earth. Really. Yesterday, I found out Leonard Nimoywas following William Shatneron Twitter, and I got all excited. 

That's when you know you're a geek.

But geeks are big business, if you know how to cater to them.

Jim Colgan discovered that.

He walked around carrying an Apple iPad and learned it makes you "a babe magnet."

Yes, an iPad may help geeks score. It may even convince them they are not really geeks.

Don't be fooled.

Here are a few ways you can tell if you, or someone you mock, is a geek. Many were submitted to me on Twitter.

You know you're a geek when:
  1. You buy Star Wars themed USB flash drives. (@Chrisnnc adds, "You know you're a geek when you actually know what a USB port stands for.")
  2. You purchase "The Wipe Shirt."(Matt Nesto found this one.)
  3. You're an MIT student who attempts to dance. (from @TradeLoose)
  4. You use the following flow chart to decide whether to buy an iPad.
  5. You buy virtual hugs. (from @otterom)
  6. You're a Facebook Fan of Admiral Akbar and say "It's a trap!"all the time.
  7. You follow Leonard Nimoy and William Shatner on Twitter, and you really do hope they get together for dinner soon. Make it so. It is their destiny. (Yes, I know I'm mixing up generations and franchises—you know you're a geek when you point that out to me.)

But you REALLY know you're a geek when you send me a long email about symptoms of geekdom. Here, finally, is @D-Reavie's definitive list:

  • You are registered in more than two social media networks.
  • You commonly refer to yourself in the Real World by your online "handle": Han, ObiWan, HogwartsPrincess, TolkienExpress etc.
  • You have to frequently make references to the "Real" world or "real" time as it differs from the virtual reality you commonly live in.
  • Your favorite authors are limited to JRR Tolkien, JK Rowling, Isaac Asimov, and "George Lucas."
  • You've played roleplaying games beyond the age of 15, or think WoW means anything other than an expression of surprise or disbelief.
  • Have had your geekdom permanently etched on yourself
  • You know all the names of the characters in Mario's world: Mario, Luigi, Bowser, Princess Peach…
  • You have a collector's edition or collectors' items from any SciFi movie, series.
  • You know who Eddie Deezen is and are/were the President of his fanclub
  • You go into convulsions when your internet connection goes d- (shudder, couldn't even finish that..).

More fun reads on including:

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email

Related Tags