Funny Business with Jane Wells

TSA v. Pasties


After Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab (allegedly) hid a bomb in his underwear last Christmasand tried to blow up an airplane, the TSA started buying more full body scanners.

Getty Images

Many of us started thinking the security they provide might be worth the embarrassment of TSA employees seeing, well, everything.

Thankfully, some entrepreneur has come to the rescue, hoping to strike the right balance between privacy and hilarity.

I mean privacy and security.

Flying Pasties is a new productwhich promises to let you "keep your dignity" at the airport.

A $20 set of stickers will cover your privates from prying eyes as you walk through full body scanners. The stickers are made from "the highest quality rubber to obscure scanner images."

I believe in protecting our rights, I believe in protecting our country...but I also believe in maintaining our dignity." 
Flying Pasties
Michael Luongo

Ok... really?

Do the terrorists know about the evasive qualities of rubber?

Is it like Kryptonite?

The video pitch, which looks like it was shot off a webcam in spokesman Michael Luongo's kitchen, tells us how the stickers work. "You walk through the airport scanner, they don't see your private parts. Why? We're secure and we're also dignified." That's the technical explanation? PERFECT! However, we are warned on the web site that Flying Pasties do not protect against scanner radiation.

The web sitealso demonstrates what the pasties look like on a woman (wanna bet the image was Photoshopped?). Flying Pasties is based in Las Vegas, and the company has plans to expand its marketing opportunities with personalized pasties and pasties which companies can brand with their own logos.

It's a great country.

But will the Flying Pastiesfly with TSA? Luongo says this is not about subverting authority. If TSA wants to know what you're wearing under your clothes, "remove the flying pasties, let them pat you down."

Bottom line, it's about good old American civil liberties. "I believe in protecting our rights, I believe in protecting our country," Luongo says, "but I also believe in maintaining our dignity." That may be the first time I've seen "pasties" and "dignity" together.

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email