Funny Business with Jane Wells

Breaking the Crackberry Addiction


Hello. My name is Jane, and I'm a Crackberry addict.

This evening I go off the device cold turkey. I have to. I have a situation.

Hubby and I are going on vacation next week to celebrate an empty next. No kids. No Blackberry.

When I realized it would be easier to leave my children than leave my Blackberry, it hit me: I've got a problem. It's a silly problem, but a problem nonetheless.

At a time when I should be worrying about Iranian nukes, whether my taxes are going up, or whether Jennifer Grey will perform "Time of My Life" on "Dancing With The Stars", I'm more worried about experiencing "Withdrawal: Unplugged".

I just don't like being disconnected. There's so much going on right now. Americans have a lot on our minds, and we react in different ways. Sageworks, which mines private companies data, says Americans are drinking more and going to the doctor. Sales at bars are up 5.53 percent in the last year. Doctors' office revenues grew 3.46 percent (healthcare inflation?).

Quest Diagnostics reports that positive tests for Vicodin, Oxycotin, and Percocet for American workers and job applicants jumped 18 percent between 2008 and 2009. They're up 40 percent since 2005. On the other hand, positive tests for cocaine plummeted 29 percent between 2008 and 2009.

My drug of choice is 4.2 inches by 2.4 inches, and while I can't take it intravenously, it's still physically attached to me. I can't go ten minutes without looking at it...even while driving. I've got it bad.

So... what do to?

I found this "how to" list for breaking the crackberry addiction. My favorite tip: "Get over yourself".

I plan to do just that. This evening, I will turn off the Blackberry, put it away, and not pick it up until a week from Sunday. My family, neighbors, and employer will have my husband's cell phone number to call in an emergency.

I don't plan to hole up in my bathroom like this guy. I think it will be better if I'm outdoors, not indoors. I plan to read these things called books. I plan to look up, not down, and notice the sky while having my morning coffee. I may watch more TV, go see a movie, work out, go for walks.

I will have a conversation with my husband.

Wish me luck. I'm hoping by Monday I've gotten through the worst of it.

See you in October.

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