Funny Business with Jane Wells

Starbucks Barista Fired For Firing Off

I'm one of those irritating people who comes to Starbucks with a special order. My fave is a grande two-pump-non-fat-no-whip mocha. Not a skinny mocha. I want skim milk, but I want the real mocha, though only two pumps of it. And I usually want it as soon as the doors open at 5am.


I'm the sort of person Christopher Cristwell is singing about in his Starbucks rant on Youtube.

"This is Starbucks," he sings, "I don't wanna see you yawn when you made me get my a** up at the butt crack of dawn."

Yes, the language gets a bit colorful.

Cristwell's rant runs the gamut of customers he sees, and he finally confesses, "I think I've had it up to here with these 'treat receipts', if I have to explain it another time I might defect to Peet's."

It is hilarious. I recognize nearly every person he's describing, myself included, though I'm not sure why Latinos get singled out for caramel frappacinos, except it rhymes.

Cristwell is a real barista at Starbucks.

This week he got fired.

In response, he's written a second song. "I will miss every minute I spent with my Starbucks crew," he sings dejectedly. "I understand and take responsibility for the things I said." He then begs customers to be nicer to the baristas. "Why the hell are you being so rude? I'm just a kid trying to pay for school." Interestingly enough, now that he's no longer working at Starbucks, Cristwell provides us with a politically incorrect cultural education on who orders what. Clearly he missed diversity training. "I know this will offend you, I can't help that it's so true, I know many agree. It's a Starbucks reality."

The Boston Herald reports that after Cristwell posted the original rant in July, he says Starbucks management told him to take it down. He refused. In fact, he credits CEO Howard Schultz's book with giving him the courage to speak out. In the book, , Schultz writes, "There are moments in our lives when we summon the courage to make choices that go against reason, against common sense and the wise counsel of people we trust."


"I may have gotten a little too excited and gone overboard with some of the lyrics and for that, I’m sorry," Cristwell told the Herald. "But I made this video not for the customer, with whom I care for deeply, and not for my managers, with whom I respect and admire, but for my fellow baristas. If I was able to provide just a few with some comedic relief after a stressful shift, then I can live with the consequences of my actions."

Christopher Cristwell, you have made a difference.

This is one Starbucks customer who promises to be thankful and polite to baristas, no matter how long the line, how long I've waited, how often the order is wrong, or how much it costs. And next time, to make it easy, I'll just order a grande drip, even though, according to you, that makes me a "manly man."

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