There Must Be A Pony In Here Somewhere

The Top 10 Smooth Jams of Silvio Berlusconi

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has been called many things — entrepreneur, head of government, womanizer and entertainer — and that was just by one writer!

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi
Alberto Pizzoli | Getty Images

But one thing a lot of people may not know is that he’s also a singer. He once sang on cruise ships and has three albums out in collaboration with guitarist Mariano Apicella.

And now, somewhere in between wrestling a debt crisis and being pushed out of office, Berlusconi managed to record his fourth album, an album of looooooooooove songs titled “True Love.” Lyrics by Berlusconi (or should we say, Ber-love-sconi), music by Apicella.

Talk about fiddling while Rome burns!

The album was initially supposed to be released in September, but that pesky financial crisis got in the way. But now, debt crisis be damned, Berlusconi’s amore can wait no mor-e!

According to a sneak preview in the Italian newspaper La Stampa, the songs deliver all the wince-inducing romancing you expect from this ladies’ man — and then some.

One song, titled “Music,” begins: “Listen to these songs, they are for you … Listen to them when you have a thirst for caresses, sing them when you are hungry for tenderness.”

Ew. I have a thirst all right — for a shower!

And yet, I am totally buying that CD when it comes out.

You can sort of see it — Berlusconi like an Italian Barry White — He hits a button, the shades automatically go down, the mood lights come up and the wall rotates, revealing a glistening bar. How you doing, baby … Aw, yeah …

You know, if this whole political thing doesn’t work out, this music thing could be his “encore career” — at the ripe young age of 75.

He’s known for his charm and his gaffes, a winning combination for lyric-writing.

Here are the top 10 song suggestions based on things he has already said:

1. Crisis? What Crisis?
Berlusconi recently said, “Life in Italy is life in a prosperous country We see that on every occasion, consumption has not gone down, the restaurants are full, you have trouble booking seats on airplanes, holiday areas are totally booked out on long weekends. I don’t think that if you went to live in Italy that Italy is feeling anything that could resemble a serious crisis.”

2. Beautiful Secretaries
In a 2003 address to the New York Stock Exchange, Berlusconi said, “Italy is a great country to invest in … today we have fewer communists and those who are still there deny having been one. Another reason to invest in Italy is that we have beautiful secretaries … superb girls.”

3. Eight Is Enough
In September, a wiretapped phone conversation came out of Berlusconi bragging that he had to fend off a long line of women outside his door and “doing only eight girls, because I couldn’t do more.”

4. Never Paid a Woman
In 2009, Berlusconi responded to allegations that he’d slept with a prostitute, saying, “I’ve never paid a woman. I never understood where the satisfaction is when you’re missing the pleasure of conquest.”

5. One Tan President
In 2008, Berlusconi said to Dmitry Medvedev, “Barack Obama being young, handsome and sun-tanned is going to get along with you swimmingly.”

6. Slightly More Equal
In June 2003, at his corruption trial, Berlusconi said, “One citizen is equal to another (in the eyes of the law) but perhaps this one is slightly more equal than the others, given that 50 percent of Italians have given him the responsibility of governing the country.”

7. Taller Than Napoleon
In February 2006, Berlusconi said on a TV show, “Only Napoleon did more than I have done …But I am definitely taller.” In 2008, he said, “They keep calling me a dwarf, but I’m taller than Sarkozy and Putin.”

8. I Am Jesus Christ
That same month, in talking to supporters, Berlusconi went one better. “I am the Jesus Christ of politics,” he said. “I am a patient victim, I put up with everyone, I sacrifice myself for everyone.”

9. Everybody Camp Now
In April 2009, Berlusconi visited earthquake survivors who were living in emergency tents. “Of course, the current lodgings are a bit temporary. But they should look at it as a weekend of camping,” he said.

10. Holiday With Mussolini
In September 2004, he told the British magazine Spectator, “Mussolini never killed anyone. Mussolini sent people on holiday in (internal) exile.”

He’s also disparaged gays, Muslims, AIDS victims, Germans and the Chinese — but hey, let’s save something for the next album, OK?

Ciao, gorgeous!