Dreading Valentine's Day? Recently been dumped? Hate your boss?
You are going to like one very funny business.
It's called Dirty Rotten Flowers, which sends someone you're upset with a bouquet which makes your feelings abundantly clear. "Let DRF help you say 'thank you' when you really want to say 'thanks for nothing'."
You have three bouquets to choose from: Dirty Rotten Flowers, a bouquet made up of decomposing flowers; the Morticia, made up of a dozen "decapitated roses"; and the I Love You Not, which includes a dozen twisted carnations plus a "deconstructed 'I Love You Not' teddy bear."
Testimonials on the website run the gamut from spurned mothers-in-law to unappreciated employees to jilted lovers. "My girlfriend literally sent me a 'dear john' note after I left for the office," writes someone claiming to be a 32-year-old computer programmer (ok...well...). "I sent her the Morticia bouquet...and got the last word."
If buying dead flowers isn't a funny enough waste of money for you, here's another idea: the Doodle Unplugged Scheduling Tool.
Doodle is a company which provides easy online scheduling tools, but in a revolutionary move—or devolutionary—it's now offering a special offline tool.
It’s called a piece of paper. "With Doodle Unplugged (available as convenient PDF-download), you’ll be able to schedule your events in less than one year, and that’s our guarantee."
And it's free!
"Doodle did this as a joke to make a point about how far online scheduling has taken the scheduling process and hopefully it motivates offline schedulers to consider using online tools," company spokesman Seth Decker told me. "So while Doodle Unplugged can actually be used as a free tool, it really exists to validate online scheduling."
Call me old fashioned, but I think I’ll stick to the unplugged version. In fact, I could use it to schedule deliveries for all the dead flowers I need to order for everyone who's ever wronged me. Better get started, this is going to take a while, and Valentine’s Day may get here before I can print out this PDF thingy.
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