Funny Business with Jane Wells

Pizza Beats Back Bacon

Before there was bacon, there was pizza.

Well, not technically, maybe, but long before we went whole hog on pork products, humanity was devouring pizza by the pie-ful.

A pepperoni pizza shirt.

Pizza, however, has lost its mojo as its saltier, fattier rival has started bringing home the bacon in popularity.

Bacon vodka, bacon milkshakes, bacon cupcakes, all of these have led to the spread of T-shirts declaring our love of bacon, (I like the "Carpe Bacon" shirt with the fist grabbing a strip or two).

Well, hold on, pig sooie.

Pizza lovers are fighting back, making an impressive marketing attack with the new Pizza Shirt.

The T-shirt comes in two versions--pepperoni or vegetable—and the high definition images may induce more salivating among young males than Kim Kardashian in a bikini.

"Nothing could be more fabulously vogue, chic, and fashionable than coating your human body with a cheese covered gift from the gods," is the pitch at "Guaranteed to get you that next big promotion at work and attract the most exotic romantic partners."

Another added bonus is that half the time I eat pizza it ends up on my shirt. Here is some great camouflage.

Why wear a pizza shirt? Because you love pizza, Sherlock! "Humans have been wearing their allegiances on their sleeves since the first Egyptian pig bladder ballsport team started selling linen jerseys with their names spelled out in hieroglyphics on the back," raves Bon Appetit, with the asterisk noting at the bottom, "THAT IS NOT TRUE."

People have started posting pictures of themselves wearing the shirts at blogs like The Fabulous Stains, a vintage clothing store, though in this case the pepperoni gets kinda lost in the seizure-inducing photos.

Pizza shirts are not cheap, selling for $39.99, "but no one ever said that doing the right thing would be easy," says Bon Appetit's Sam Dean.

Of course, for $39.99, you could buy six special 2-item pizzas at Dominos, which you could just tape to your shirt and eat as the day progresses. Actually, that's not a bad idea.

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email