There Must Be A Pony In Here Somewhere

Viva l'Apocalypse! Crack Open the End-of-the-World Wine

The village of Bugarach, which some are claiming will be the only surviving settlement following a devastating apocalypse in December 2012.
Patrick Aventurier | Getty Images

Did you know there are only 18 shopping days left to the Apocalypse? Yeah, time to get all those last minute end-of-the-world supplies and figure out what bunker you're going to hide out in!

A lot of ideas have been kicked around from this guy's house, a luxed-out underground missile silo, to a porn bunker for the apocalypse.

Well, while you were packing your Apocalypse Go Kit, the French village of Bugarach was cracking open the End of the World wine. (Read More: Tips for the Apocalypse)

That's because this sleepy little village at the foot of the Pyrenees Mountains, population 176, has been designated by Mayan legend and Internet rumor as the Chosen One (cue sunrays from the heavens, angels singing) – the one town that will survive the end of the world, which the Mayans predict will occur on the night of Dec. 21.

The story goes that on that night, aliens are going to emerge from their "spaceship garage" in the mountain that sits behind the town,and whisk everyone in the town to safety before the world comes to a spectacular end. (Read more: Can Aliens Help the Economy?)

Well, this little farming village, initially alarmed over the attention it started receiving a few years ago over this whole apocalypse business, has decided to welcome the end with open capitalist arms.

You can buy a rock from the magic mountain of Pic deBugarach for 1.50 euros, bottled water from a local spring that allegedly has healing powers for 15 euros, and one dude is offering up his four-bedroom home with views of the mountain for 1,200 pounds a night – or the ability to camp in his backyard for 400 euros a night, the Daily Mail reports. The local Italian eatery is even gearing up for a Last Supper rush, with "Apocalypse Pizza" and "End of the World Wine."

It's called "Cuve Bugarach," the Guardian notes, bearing the tagline: "If there's only one left, I shall be that one."

The panic over the end has spread all the way to Russia but the Communists have had it UP TO HERE with all this end-of-the-world talk. Moscow's Minister of Emergency Situations declared recently that "The world will not end on Dec. 21."

Just in case – they're selling vodka-loaded Apocalypse GoKits in Siberia. (Read more: What's in Your Apocalypse Go Kit -- Beer or Vodka?)

Like the Lottery Curse, it hasn't been all high fives and champagne-flute clinking in this Chosen Village. There are TV and camera crews everywhere asking everyone what they think about the end of the world, which,despite what everyone thought would be a real-estate and tourism boom, has actually put a damper on tourism in recent months. The town sign has been stolen three times – which, frankly, gets expensive to replace. And, they're going to have to figure out how to beef up security for an expected influx of wannabe survivors.

Of course, with the apocalypse, there's an app for that. The Mayan Calendar iPhone app is available for 99 cents ( Just so, you know, you can calculate your birthday – and "destiny" – according to the Mayan calendar.

I'm not saying the end is definitely coming, all I'm saying is they found a unicorn lair in North Korea, according to a separate Guardian report, so you draw your own conclusions.

Now, if alien garages and apocalypse pizza aren't quite your style, maybe you'd be interested in this "End of the World 2012 Gold Plated Mayan Coin," available for just 88 cents on Amazon (plus, um, $.4.49 shipping) to commemorate this unique time in history we've spent together panicking about the end of the world. And, with just 18 days left, I know what you're thinking but don't worry -- it'll be here in time for the end!

I'll drink to that. Hey, is there any of that end-of-the-world wine left?

Viva l'apocalypse!

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