Faster than a 4G iPhone. Able to unfreeze computers in a single click. Leaps tall servers in, well, two bounds.
He (or she) is the Office Superhero!
You know who that is. It's the person three cubicles over you shout for because calling IT is too much of a hassle. You want someone on site, someone who can walk over to your desk and quickly diagnose (and fix!) what's wrong with your aging PC, even though this person has a completely different job to do ... a job he (or she!) would like to get back to doing.
It's time to honor that person.
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Crucial.com, a memory products company owned by Micron Technology, has launched a search for the Official Unofficial Office Computer Go-To Superstar!
The company is accepting nominations now, and it plans to announce a winner May 1.
"It can be anybody," said Crucial's head of e-commerce Fred Waddel, "but it's usually somebody who has been around for a little while, and they know the ins and outs, not just of maybe some hardware, but how the entire company and process works."
Waddel said sales of Crucial's products are seeing an uptick as companies delay new purchases and instead buy products like more memory to keep computers working longer. Aging computers also require more help from that unofficial office "expert," which is why the company decided to hold a contest. First prize will be $5,000 ... in new memory!
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The best part of the campaign, however, is that Crucial.com has hired veteran actor John Moschitta, famous for his ability to talk faster than anyone else on the planet. His legendary commercials include FedEx and Micro Machines.
"We think it was a no brainer," said Waddel about hiring Moschitta. "John talks fast, and we make systems fast, so we just put the two together."
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I met Moschitta in costume—and in character—to query him about the characteristics of an office superstar. "Well the secret is you have to be fast at what you're doing.." and then he started talking so fast I stopped taking notes. When I asked him if there's anything the official unofficial superstar won't do for co-workers, he replied, "I will not clean toilets."
Who's my superstar? Who's the guy that I scream, you scream, we all scream for in the CNBC Los Angeles Bureau?
Meet him in the above video.
ADDED BONUS VIDEOS!
John Moschitta is not only the fastest talking actor in Hollywood, he's one of the funniest. He first honed his craft as a kid, when he decided to try to win $2,000 in a Cerebral Palsy fundraiser back home in New York.
The money would go to anyone who set a Guinness World Record, and he set it for saying Hamlet's soliloquy faster than anyone ever had. Watch the video to see Moschitta describe that experience and reveal a few secrets, including the fact that he always uses a TelePrompTer (and caused at least one to catch fire).
Finally, 30 years ago, Moschitta was hired to read the Academy rules at the 1983 Oscars. What unfolded was near catastrophe. This may be one of my favorite Hollywood stories ever.
—By CNBC's Jane Wells; Follow her on Twitter: @janewells