Now the question I know that everyone wants to know — is this what Wall Street is really like? Well, yes and no. I can definitely say there was never midget tossing. We tossed small interns instead. (Kidding.) In all seriousness, I have had breakfast with a guy where there was dwarf tossing at his bachelor party. Before you rush to judgement — who really is the victim here? The dwarf was paid like a giant.
I was at a Wall Street party for St. Patrick's day once, where dwarfs were hired to dress up as leprechauns. I remember i was sitting in a crowded room and someone rubbing my shoulders. I thought it was a female friend of mine that I knew liked me. I remember looking across the room and seeing her so I looked behind me and didn't see anyone. I looked to my left — nobody. I looked to my right — the same. I looked down and I noticed this female dwarf rubbing my shoulders and her telling me, "I have this fetish for tall guys (I am 6'5")." I was a little freaked out but I thought one of my friends put her up to it.
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About an hour later, I wanted to go downstairs for a smoke so I went into the bedroom with all the coats. They were all on a bed. From under the coats jumps out the same dwarf who is now naked and she says, "I have been waiting for you." Now, I was the head of trading and rarely got flustered. I said, "Wait for me. I will be right back." Then I went straight home.
Belfort starts off as a straight-laced kid — sort of like me. His first boss, Mark Hanna (played brilliantly by Matthew McConaughey), gives him the advice that the only way to do this job is with coke and hookers. Hanna says this over lunch as he's knocking back his third martini. He also gives this sage advice which is sure make the 99 percent cringe: "Money is a drug that makes you a better person."
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The movie portrays this as an everyday occurrence. I am not saying coke and hookers don't exist on Wall Street but it's only on really special occasions. Like Tuesdays. And Wednesdays. And Thursdays. But never on Sundays. You see Wall Streeters are like God. On the seventh day, we rest.