DO NOT go on social media if you are out "sick." Ever. You would think you don't have to tell people this — but YOU DO.
Do not go on Facebook, Twitter or Foursquare and update your status. Don't tweet, "My first hole in one — drinks on me!!" Or "The view at East Hampton beach is amazing. And I don't mean the water — if you know what I mean." If you are feeling well enough to tweet, you are able to go to work. More likely, you will get drunk and do something stupid.
Once, I had a friend call out of work because he was visiting his grandmother who was on her death bed. However, at 3am the night before he checked in on Foursquare at Marquee. His status was, "Bottles and Models!!! Marquee! BOOM!!" I texted him and asked if his grandmother requested that he go to Marquee to celebrate her life.
He deleted his status before anyone else noticed.
DO call or email at the correct time—and keep it vague. If you are going to call your boss and leave a voicemail, call an hour before he gets in. Don't call too close to the time because if he is the drill sergeant type or the overly caring type, he may call you back.
Read MoreTips for playing golf with your clients
If you are emailing your boss or texting him, also do it an hour before. Don't do it at 2am when you are in the back of an Uber leaving the Meatpacking district with a bunch of Hungarian girls going to your penthouse for the after-party. Stay up until 6am and then send the email. Also, keep it vague. If you get overly specific it can backfire on you.
For example, my friend was on a date. It got later and later and turned into a sleepover. His date suggested that he text his boss and tell him he had eaten some bad fish and he wasn't going to make it to work the next day. The next morning he heard a buzz buzz at 5:30am. He looked at his phone and the text from his boss said, "You have worked with me for ten years. We have been on 100 client dinners. You have never once ordered fish. Get your drunk a-- to work."
My friend was the first one on the desk.