Facebook allows you to be friends with a maximum of 5,000 people. I think on Wall Street, the maximum number of close friends you can have is five.
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What I mean by close friends is friends that you actually care what's going on in their lives outside of work. (Friends that invite you out for a free meal and inside information — feel free to have as many of those as possible.)
Having more than five close friends becomes a distraction and you need to focus on work. This is Wall Street not Walmart. You just don't have time for more than that. It's like in baseball: If you want to add a new friend to the rotation, you are going to have to send someone to the bullpen.
Commentary by Raj Malhotra (Raj Mahal is his stage name), a former Wall Street trader-turned-stand-up-comedian. He has worked at Wall Street firms covering three continents, including at Bank of America, BNP Paribas and Nomura. He draws from his unique ethnic background and Wall Street career to entertain audiences nightly, highlighting the struggles of the 1 percent. He can be seen at Gotham Comedy Club, Broadway Comedy Club, NY Comedy Club, Greenwich Village Comedy Club, and the Tribeca Comedy Lounge. Follow him on Twitter @RajMahalTweets.