It's finally here. The cooking show no one asked for but now realize we all need, "Martha & Snoop's Potluck Dinner Party," is debuting tonight on VH1. In the premiere, which we had early access to, they compete to see who makes the best fried chicken, with guests Seth Rogan, Wiz Khalifa and Ice Cube as judges.
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The pairing might seem out of left field, but if you recall, the two have actually been buds since 2008 when Snoop first made an appearance on Stewart's former talk show, "Martha."
VH1 described the show as a "half-baked evening of cocktails, cooking, conversation, and fun where nothing is off limits," and now that we've seen it, we know that that is a very accurate description. Seriously. Nothing is off limits — even a bizarre joke by Martha about Snoop taking a "buttermilk bath" which would make him "whiter," which left us a bit uncomfortable.
So, obviously, in this hour-long season premiere, we learned a lot about Martha, Snoop, and the relationship between Martha and Snoop. It starts off a little awkwardly scripted ("When you mix the best of high society with the best of high society, you never know what's gon' pop off," Snoop says at the beginning.), but as the frying oil heats up, the duo warms up as well.
ANYWAY. Here are the most important things we learned:
1. Snoop's signature cocktail, "The Laid Back"
Cue the audience's collective reciting of "with my mind on my money and my money on my mind." Yep, it's gin and juice with a little flair.
Ingredients: Tanqueray, Apple Ciroc, pineapple juice, club soda
2. Snoop has influenced Martha tremendously.
Wiz says Snoop has influenced his music and asks Martha if Snoop has influenced her, and she responds, "Oh many, many ways. His vocabulary is catching on. I'm going home with a whole new lingo … well, lingo's not the right word, right?"
"A whole new vernacular," Snoops chimes in.
"And also dress code — look, I'm wearing a T-shirt," says Martha. "I'm wearing bling. I never wear bling!"
3. Martha is, unsurprisingly, very competitive.
The Queen of Cuisine talks a lot of smack. She tells Snoop she's gonna kick his butt and then offers to bribe Wiz and Seth for their votes.
4. Martha's fried chicken recipe
•Brine 10 pieces of chicken (thighs, wings, drumsticks) by soaking them in ice water and 2 tablespoons of salt, which takes all the "impurities" out of the chicken. Keep them in the fridge for 2 days.
•Make a buttermilk bath for the chicken with half a teaspoon of cayenne pepper and a few dashes of Tabasco.
•Take the chicken out of the salt water, give it a little shake, put it in the buttermilk bath and let it sit in the fridge for 8 hours.
•Mix 2 cups of all-purpose flour with half a teaspoon of cayenne, a teaspoon of salt and a heaping teaspoon of black pepper.
•Take the chicken out of the buttermilk bath and coat it generously with the flour mixture.
•Drop it in hot oil and check the temperature inside the chicken to know when it's ready (165°F).
•To protect yourself from the splatter, use a splatter guard.
•Let it rest on a cooling rack and sprinkle it with some salt.
Wiz's verdict: "Martha's chicken is so juicy and flaky and seasoned so correctly, my mouth is still thanking me for being on Martha's team."
5. Snoop's fried chicken recipe
In contrast to Martha's recipe, which takes almost 3 days, Snoop's takes 12 minutes.
•Lightly season bone-in chicken wings with lemon pepper.
•Take some potato chips (or as Snoop refers to them, "tay-tah chips") and crumble them with your hands over the chicken.
•Scoop up some egg in a spoon and drop it over the chicken wings.
•Coat all the chicken in the flour at once (trying to be as efficient as possible).
•Drop the chicken into the hot frying oil.
•To protect yourself, use blinged-out goggles.
•To know when it's ready, look at the grease, and you'll just know.
Seth's verdict: He likes the "spice and kick" on Snoop's smaller, easier-to-eat wings. He also thinks the potato chip coating is genius — and he's not wrong.
6. Martha has killed a chicken with her own hands.
Asked if she'd ever killed a chicken and how, Martha replies, "I fed it some vodka, and then I cut off its head." Enough said.
7. Martha has been struck by lightning — three times.
In a game of "Two Thighs and a Truth," Martha reveals that she's been struck by lightning not once, not twice, but three times. How? One time it apparently "came through the sink" and hit her in the stomach, another time she was on the phone and it "came through the phone" and hit her in the ear, and we never learned what happened the third time. Hmm.
"Going to jail does not make you stronger," she says. "Only lightning makes you stronger."
8. Snoop's best subject in high school was calculus.
And even though he's the King of Kush, his memory isn't hazy at all. You see him do some math during the game when he decides that Ice Cube's album "Death Certificate" couldn't be 30 years old because he remembers being in 12th grade in '89 when it came out.
In the end, it's all just too much of a whirlwind, and Cube can't pick between the two competitors' fried chicken. It results in a tie — which is how, we have a feeling, every episode will end. And we will probably keep experiencing the same did-that-just-happen disbelief we're experiencing right now.