His home life was suffering.
So Jairek asked, "What's your ritual to turn it off at the end of the day and walk away without having all those thoughts processing in your head?"
Most people don't have a ritual. That's the problem. "You need to disassociate from work," he said. "Get it out of your nervous system."
So here's the formula: disconnect, then connect.
Part A) Disconnect
"Some people go for a walk, other people breathe for 20 minutes. It's different for everybody. You have to figure out the routine."
Sometimes I'm emailing about work at midnight. That's how habits start. They creep in when my guard is down, when I'm not connected to anything I love.
Part B) Connect
Jairek switched his coaching methods a few years ago. He used to coach on performance. Now it's relationships. Because it's the relationships in our lives that increase our performance.
"Right now, if you're at work, and you think about your kids, your heart's probably not gushing over them," he said."
"No, usually they suck and I'm annoyed at them." I had plans to see them in a few hours.
Then Jairek hypnotized me.
"What's the most precious and beautiful moment you have with one of your kids?" he said. "Go back way in the distance. Remember one of your earliest moments with them that just lit your heart up. And as a dad made you prouder than you could have ever imagined."
He had me repeat the process. Catch a memory. Then another. You can do this with your spouse, family, someone who's hurt your or you've hurt.
Then combine memories with music. Or look at a picture. "If you combine the visual, auditory and the feeling of it, and reconnect with those memories, then by the time you get home, you're less likely to pick up a business call. Because your head's not thinking about all the deals."
I saw my kids that day. We laughed more than ever.
And when I flipped the cards, I found a match.
This piece originally appeared on LinkedIn.