The number one thing to keep in mind in any negotiation is there's power in patience, former FBI negotiator Chris Voss tells CNBC Make It: "You've got to let the other side talk first, and you've got to make them feel in control."
Voss is the founder and CEO of strategy consultancy Black Swan Group, and prior to working in the private sector, he was the lead international kidnapping negotiator for the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the lead crisis negotiator for the New York City Division of the FBI and a member of the New York City Joint Terrorist Task Force for 14 years.
He says you are more likely to get what you want if the party you are negotiating with feels like the solution was their idea. "Negotiation is often described as the art of letting the other side have your way," says Voss. "You have to give the other side a chance to put stuff on the table voluntarily."
So the more the party you are negotiating with says, the better for you. "It's not just listening, but it's understanding how to get them to talk more, how to get them to comfortably say more," Voss tells CNBC Make It.
One way to do this is to use the phrase, "It seems like you've thought about this a lot," recommends Voss. Chances are very likely that the party you are negotiating with has thought about the question carefully. Recognizing that effort directly helps open people up.
"We see over and over again ... it actually makes a connection in somebody's head and they will go like, 'Yeah, and I thought about this, and I thought about this, and I thought about that,'" says Voss.