There are some things you simply never want to say at work.
These phrases carry special power: they have an uncanny ability to make you look bad even when the words are true.
Worst of all, there's no taking them back once they slip out.
I'm not talking about shocking slips of the tongue, off-color jokes, or politically incorrect faux pas. These aren't the only ways to make yourself look bad.
Often it's the subtle remarks — the ones that paint us as incompetent and unconfident — that do the most damage.
No matter how talented you are or what you've accomplished, there are certain phrases that instantly change the way people see you and can forever cast you in a negative light. These phrases are so loaded with negative implications that they undermine careers in short order.
Technology-fueled change is happening so fast that even a six-month-old process could be outdated. Saying "this is the way it's always been done" not only makes you sound lazy and resistant to change, but it could make your boss wonder why you haven't tried to improve things on your own. If you really are doing things the way they've always been done, there's almost certainly a better way.
It's never a good idea to cast blame. Be accountable. If you had any role — no matter how small — in whatever went wrong, own it. If not, offer an objective, dispassionate explanation of what happened. Stick to the facts, and let your boss and colleagues draw their own conclusions about who's to blame. The moment you start pointing fingers is the moment people start seeing you as someone who lacks accountability for their actions. This makes people nervous. Some will avoid working with you altogether, and others will strike first and blame you when something goes wrong.
"I can't" is "it's not my fault's" twisted sister. People don't like to hear "I can't" because they think it means "I won't." Saying "I can't" suggests that you're not willing to do what it takes to get the job done. If you really can't do something because you truly lack the necessary skills, you need to offer an alternative solution. Instead of saying what you "can't" do, say what you "can" do. For example, instead of saying "I can't stay late tonight," say "I can come in early tomorrow morning. Will that work?" Instead of "I can't run those numbers," say "I don't yet know how to run that type of analysis. Is there someone who can show me so that I can do it on my own next time?"
Everyone knows that life isn't fair. Saying it's not fair suggests that you think life is supposed to be fair, which makes you look immature and naïve. If you don't want to make yourself look bad, you need to stick to the facts, stay constructive, and leave your interpretation out of it. For instance, you could say, "I noticed that you assigned Ann that big project I was hoping for. Would you mind telling me what went into that decision? I'd like to know why you thought I wasn't a good fit, so that I can work on improving those skills."
This often sarcastic phrase makes you sound as though you're only willing to do the bare minimum required to keep getting a paycheck, which is a bad thing if you like job security. If your boss asks you to do something that you feel is inappropriate for your position (as opposed to morally or ethically inappropriate), the best move is to complete the task eagerly. Later, schedule a conversation with your boss to discuss your role in the company and whether your job description needs an update. This ensures that you avoid looking petty. It also enables you and your boss to develop a long-term understanding of what you should and shouldn't be doing.
These overly passive phrases instantly erode your credibility. Even if you follow these phrases with a great idea, they suggest that you lack confidence, which makes the people you're speaking to lose confidence in you. Don't be your own worst critic. If you're not confident in what you're saying, no one else will be either. And, if you really don't know something, say, "I don't have that information right now, but I'll find out and get right back to you."
Just like the word "think," try sounds tentative and suggests that you lack confidence in your ability to execute the task. Take full ownership of your capabilities. If you're asked to do something, either commit to doing it or offer an alternative, but don't say that you'll try because it sounds like you won't try all that hard.
Saying that something only takes a minute undermines your skills and gives the impression that you rush through tasks. Unless you're literally going to complete the task in 60 seconds, feel free to say that it won't take long, but don't make it sound as though the task can be completed any sooner than it can actually be finished.
The last thing anyone wants to hear at work is someone complaining about how much they hate their job. Doing so labels you as a negative person and brings down the morale of the group. Bosses are quick to catch on to naysayers who drag down morale, and they know that there are always enthusiastic replacements waiting just around the corner.
There is no upside to making a disparaging remark about a colleague. If your remark is accurate, everybody already knows it, so there's no need to point it out. If your remark is inaccurate, you're the one who ends up looking like a jerk. There will always be rude or incompetent people in any workplace, and chances are that everyone knows who they are. If you don't have the power to help them improve or to fire them, then you have nothing to gain by broadcasting their ineptitude. Announcing your colleague's incompetence comes across as an insecure attempt to make you look better. Your callousness will inevitably come back to haunt you in the form of your coworkers' negative opinions of you.
These phrases have a tendency to sneak up on you, so you're going to have to catch yourself until you've solidified the habit of not saying them.
Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the No. 1 bestselling book, "Emotional Intelligence 2.0" and the co-founder of TalentSmart, the world's leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training, serving more than 75 percent of Fortune 500 companies.
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