"I hate to say it, but I honestly think the president's become pretty frightening to investors in the stock market," the "Mad Money" host said. "Maybe if things calm down [and] the White House starts trying to make deals instead of making enemies, then the earnings will matter again. They sure didn't matter to the market's trajectory this week because we had some very good [reports], but I live in hope."
With that hope in mind, Cramer turned to his weekly game plan:
Paychex: This old Cramer-fave will report earnings on Monday. Shares of the payroll processor are down dramatically from when it last reported.
"Yet we've had a rate hike since it reported, which is bullish for Paychex because their clients give them money and they collect interest on it until they deposit your wages in your account," Cramer said. "Plus, we've had very robust employment. I think these guys are going to have a very good story to tell."
Red Hat: While Cramer expected the cloud play's earnings report to be fine, he was worried about Red Hat's stock, which has run up 23 percent for the year.
"It's almost impossible for any stock to live up to that, and Red Hat has enough key reporting variables ... that I think someone will find fault with one of them," he said.
"I wish I didn't have to say this because it's one of my favorite companies with one of my favorite CEOs, but I'd be tempted to recommend ringing the register on some of your position going into the quarter just in case we get a confusing report card."
New York Fed: New York Fed President William Dudley will speak on Monday. Cramer said the Fed chief, who is set to retire this summer, could be "a little more freewheeling" in his speech and address the presidential tariffs, tax cuts and inflation with more candor than usual.
"Which will McCormick give us, especially now that it has Frank's Hot Sauce under its wing?" Cramer wondered. "This spice company is not prone to misses and yet its stock is down 10 percent already. It's tough to bet against these guys at these levels."
RH: The company formerly known as Restoration Hardware will also report, and Cramer was bullish on the furniture chain ahead of earnings.
"I think the company is brilliantly run. I don't understand why it's only valued at $1.65 billion," he said. "But when you consider it was worth a little less than half that at this time last year, maybe it's not a totally outrageous valuation."
Nvidia: An investor day at the chipmaker will offer market-watchers a glance at the "cutting edge of technology" when co-founder and CEO Jensen Huang speaks, Cramer said.
"Jensen's the go-to CEO when it comes to semiconductors for the data center, for gaming, and for autonomous vehicles, among many areas," he continued. "He's been known to move whole markets when he speaks, so [we'll] be paying close attention."
Healthy Returns: Cramer will host CNBC's first Healthy Returns conference on Wednesday to examine every corner of the U.S. health-care system.
"Here's a former market darling that's fallen from the $80s to the $60s over the last year," Cramer said. "Walgreen's has been in its own personal bear market ... and even a good quarter may not be enough to save it."
Beer, wine and liquor giant Constellation Brands will report earnings on Thursday and Cramer anticipated a good report.
"Constellation missed the last time it reported," he noted. "The culprit was the wine business and CEO Rob Sands explained to us that the issue was a short-term phenomenon. Either way, I think the beer business is on fire."
Markets will be closed on Good Friday, and if the market turmoil continues, the bulls will cherish the day off, Cramer said.
"The bottom line? Hopefully the White House will get a grip, allowing the market to calm down so we can get back to a placid planet where we focus on earnings again, not government policy," the "Mad Money" host said. "But be prepared for more chaos just in case nothing changes."
Disclosure: Cramer's charitable trust owns shares of Nvidia, Amazon and Constellation Brands.