When your career becomes demanding and you need more support from your spouse around the house, don't assume your spouse can read your mind. Tell them exactly what needs to be done, such as making appointments, filling out forms for the kids or doing laundry. Spell out what you need them to pick up from the grocery store.
Sometimes your spouse is so distracted by their own schedule, they don't know what needs to happen behind the scenes at home — so don't resent them until you have the conversation about what needs to be done. I've seen in many cases that, in the face of confrontation, women grow silent and unhappy and that's when unhealthy patterns develop.
Be clear about what's needed at work as well: the hours you're working, if you'll be working on weekends, traveling out of town, etc. Always tell your spouse way in advance or have a calendar where both of you can see time commitments. Also, make it a priority to carve out time for your relationship that is work- and kid-free.
Nanda Davis is the founder of Davis Law Practice, current president of the Salem Roanoke County Bar Association, a board member of the statewide Virginia Women Attorney's Association and former president of the Roanoke Chapter of the Virginia Women Attorney's Association.
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