Psychology and Relationships

'Don't get married to check a box,' says Michelle Obama: How she suggests her kids think about happiness

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When Michelle Obama attended Harvard Law School, her grandmother used to call and ask her what she cooked that day. 

"Grandma, I'm in law school. There isn't even a kitchen around," Obama recalls thinking at the time. 

No matter how well meaning, questions like these can often shape what young women believe success and contentment looks like, Obama tells "Today" host Hoda Kotb on the first episode of her new podcast, "The Light Podcast."

Obama thinks about this a lot when it comes to relationships and when she talks to her daughters Malia and Sasha about partnerships.

"We don't know what life will hand them," she says. "Maybe you find love — great! But don't get married to check a box." 

'It feels like it's never enough'

Obama, who proudly tells Kotb she is still in love with her husband, Barack, believes people do a "disservice" to young women when primarily asking questions about marriage and children. 

"You can have an amazing career and somebody says, 'Oh, are you married?'" she says. 

"Then if you are [married] then [they ask], 'When are you going to have a baby?' Not knowing, Can you, do you, want one?" she says. "It's almost like saying, 'Oh, you're married but you can't really be happy.'" 

You can have an amazing career and somebody says, 'Oh, are you married?'
Michelle Obama

No matter how many boxes you tick, the expectations can seem infinite. "It feels like it's never enough," she says.

Obama's goal is for her children to know that happiness for a young woman doesn't mean finding love or having children, and there are many paths that can be fulfilling. 

"I want my daughters growing up to understand they can have whatever life they choose. As long as they are happy, we've got their backs," she says. "I want my daughters to have a broad view of what happiness can look like." 

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